August 08 monologues

WARNING May be offensively funny!
You know my brother used to use this abbreviation a lot. SAD. Stands for 'Single available and desperate. Goes with Bad, Bi-available and desperate but thats a different story altogether.

SO anyway he recites this mantra like, well quite frequently and so it hits my muscle memory. So now I'm 'sad' most of the time. Only variable is not the S and A part but the D part.

And so Ive lived my life as a 'sad' person. Cause now, I find that women don't find me attractive at all. Don't ask me why. They don't find me hot, except for one, but thats cause she was curious why i didn't need a jacket to stay in the cinema.

Girls don't find me handsome, except aunties who of course dig young men. (Pause) watch out uncles lol.

But what i find that I can attract apart from flies, kids, gays and grandmothers, are people who have depressions in life. Regardless of gender.

Not because that I'm in a much worst state then them....well thats not the case ....usually. But because I somehow or rather am able to cheer them up.

How? u might ask? Don't ask me Im a comedian not a therapist for god's sake.

Measure of my ability?? cause i know usually when we measure a comedian we go like...hahaha this is hilarious this guy is good...or wth u suck. So theres only two grades, Good and suck.

But But I have testis!! 'Testimonials' for you dirty minded b*stards. I can proudly claim....That I can make a young girl, laugh! in 'I am Legend'. At the part where the zombies are huddling together in the building. Don't ask me dumb questions on why i was with young girls in a cinema, they were old friends k? And we were suppose to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks.

I can make tears of sadness turn into tears of joy within minutes! How? Again? haven't you learnt ur lesson? Im a dem comedian Dude!

But I do have my limits. Like every comedian, we only have a cup to drink from. Once we gypsies siphon off ur sad tears, we have to store it till we become full of depression ourselves. So thats why our jokes usually turn sour...at least for awhile.

But thats not the bad part. I find that usually, I have become a tears transfusion centre for most people. Its till the extent that they get on in their lives until something goes wrong, then they will find time to recharge and then head back in their life.

I mean...so where do I come in in their life apart from being a water treatment centre? Sometimes its so bad I feel like I must have lost my own life, cause in this one I feel like a spare.

Speaking about things that begin with the letter 'S'. I think my whole life's been surrounded by them. Im Single and straight, I dance Salsa, my favorite Superhero is Superman, Love sweet stuff, would enjoy sex if i weren't single i suppose, prefer skinny than chubby, almost everything to do with Ss. No 'ass' doesn't start with the letter S. But the act of does start with an...shoot! Mind U Im SAD not BAD.
- Juzzy Good Day!