Why does everything mean everything when you are down? Songs seem to mean everything, things that usually wouldn't matter to you suddenly becomes ultimately sensitive...and everything else that goes wrong suddenly gets to you.
It all started last Saturday, all of a sudden, my internet died. It came back on after 5 mins, but at a 56kb level. Its been like that ever since.
Felt rotten on Sunday. Thought I'd feel better after seeing that three year old Rinpoche..but in the sweltering heat, all he did was do some weird faces at me and then began to "man chang"/or manja or what ever.
Tot of heading to the gym to workout my stress, didnt work out well. Ended up pulling a muscle. Went to the sauna ..but couldnt stand the heat.
Woke up late on monday, arrived at work late. Got screwed by the boss. UD line had to stop production cause someone switch suppliers of a stock item which couldnt perform. Most parties got screwed. Phone died today.
At the meeting, my boss FFKed (ditched me) leaving me in the deep end of the pool with 15 taichi experts throwing all the blame at maintenance. Had to swallow everything they gave to me. On the way home, a car infront of me hit the emergency brakes, I had to brake as well, was an inch from paying my first car repair bill.
Felt really down, went for salsa class to cheer myself up...it helped a lil..for a while.
This morning I woke up late but manage to get out of the house 5 mins earlier. Nevertheless the jam was worse than yesterday. My supervisor is on leave to day. I have to settle a nego appointment. But my CPR was not signed. Went to look for the DIrector incharged, but she left the building just a few minutes before i reached. Wanted to check if my fax was in, Secretary was not in.
Now im here sulking and cursing at myself, for having such a horrible week. What a way to end my 22nd year on Earth. Oh God, What are you trying to tell me? Why are you making me suffer? Did I do anything wrong in my past life? If so please have mercy on my soul and spread it out evenly.
All this pain is really getting to me. I don't know how much longer can I smile at my colleagues and tell them that I'm okay. If my luck continues to falter, I'd be dead by the end of the week.
A fortune teller once said that I'd always face problems when Im with my mom and she will always have the best luck when Im with her. And it switches when we are apart.
Dont believe? but it happens every single time, the facts are there how can one prove it wrong? She mentioned something else that also came true but I dont wanna talk about it...Just one more revelation to go but its a fork just like the prophecies in Terry Goodkind.
I want to make it work, Muse always said i was too soft. Perhaps its a sign to harden up. I have no more amor left on me, and ive never even tasted blood yet. Is this the end, will my cup which i always took everyone else's tea and "Yum seng"ed be finally broken...
Im back in the black sphere from 10 years ago, once cracked, a window i peeked out, now resealed, im all alone..in pain as im doomed to stay knowing that theres haven outside the black sphere that I can never reach...
Please...change my fate, let this that has happen pass..erase my memory and let me start anew.. as I never knew suffering, hate, anger, greed, lust, envy....
Giving and letting go, giving and letting go..O Great Shyakamuni how did you do it? Second time is more painful then the first..
I think i just need a hug... and a pat..sigh.. But if one more thing happens, just 1...i think i'm gonna go mad...Im gonna go berserk!!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
Loss...
A cringe of fear
first settles near
in a place you never knew...
Could feel so filled with fear
to loose a dear
your ankles follow suite.
The words were spoken,
your chest heartbroken
you brace to save your soul
And yet it lags
you feel it drag
and know its a long long drop.
It seems alright
wasnt so bad, without a fight
you stand and laugh at fear
But as you stand your veins
your chest then your heart
shrinks, broken, just by seeing the word 'apart'.
You console your soul
chicken soup for a ghoul
who'd feel better in a tick.
But then a wave so great
like a slap from cold meat
you crumble eyes so thick.
You bury your face
in the hope that this case
you can hold your feelings right
But no matter how logical
your mind is still an animal
its difficult not to put up a fight.
You awake from your cave,
cowardice to be saved,
and wonder if the coast is clear.
But as you make a stand
two feet on suddenly sand
you wobble through the day on and on.
Every moment you face
persons, a smile you must make
so to hide what goes on inside...
But as you turn and face
the mind provoking blaze,
your heart thumps hard inside..
You console yourself
'hey you did this to yourself'
a burn you must endure..
But its tough to see,
a dear say leave,
it'll seem yesterday though so long long ago..
You call your friends
family out on the weekend
for a lunch or dinner at 8
But no matter how much
you try the bunch
cant cheer you up long though the night late.
You return home
to your comfy home
your parents still awake
Don't want to startle them
not their fault that ur damned
silence not a word not a sound
ANd you creep in your room
wishing u had harry's broom
and sweep this memory all gone
Then you come to think
why god bring me things
that in the end i have to let go..
Like an ice-cream cake
in the window pane
that you can never afford to know.
But then you see,
A hope that one day would be
And your heart feels shattered no more..
first settles near
in a place you never knew...
Could feel so filled with fear
to loose a dear
your ankles follow suite.
The words were spoken,
your chest heartbroken
you brace to save your soul
And yet it lags
you feel it drag
and know its a long long drop.
It seems alright
wasnt so bad, without a fight
you stand and laugh at fear
But as you stand your veins
your chest then your heart
shrinks, broken, just by seeing the word 'apart'.
You console your soul
chicken soup for a ghoul
who'd feel better in a tick.
But then a wave so great
like a slap from cold meat
you crumble eyes so thick.
You bury your face
in the hope that this case
you can hold your feelings right
But no matter how logical
your mind is still an animal
its difficult not to put up a fight.
You awake from your cave,
cowardice to be saved,
and wonder if the coast is clear.
But as you make a stand
two feet on suddenly sand
you wobble through the day on and on.
Every moment you face
persons, a smile you must make
so to hide what goes on inside...
But as you turn and face
the mind provoking blaze,
your heart thumps hard inside..
You console yourself
'hey you did this to yourself'
a burn you must endure..
But its tough to see,
a dear say leave,
it'll seem yesterday though so long long ago..
You call your friends
family out on the weekend
for a lunch or dinner at 8
But no matter how much
you try the bunch
cant cheer you up long though the night late.
You return home
to your comfy home
your parents still awake
Don't want to startle them
not their fault that ur damned
silence not a word not a sound
ANd you creep in your room
wishing u had harry's broom
and sweep this memory all gone
Then you come to think
why god bring me things
that in the end i have to let go..
Like an ice-cream cake
in the window pane
that you can never afford to know.
But then you see,
A hope that one day would be
And your heart feels shattered no more..
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Change of wind....Dad always said..
Was gonna post something on paradise, but no... i'll talk something more relevant to the world, and the Issues of Malaysia...and what I would like to see changed in the political arena.
All my life, my dad, my uncles and friends of my dad have always laughed about Malaysia's inability to maintain projects after a month or two of building it. Its true, toilets were unclean, hedges along roads becoming hazards, portholes not properly done thus breaking again.
And yet, instead of funding maintenance, they fund millions to project departments that build even more items that requires upkeep. Its true, projects yield loadz of money to both the project department and the government from its benefits... but whats the use if we cannot maintain it? Without proper funding allocation, how do you expect maintenance to fix up the ever growing projects around Malaysia.
At this stage I can hear the government, putting out the hand and maybe slipping a note from under the table to shut me up. But it doesnt matter, nobody reads this blog anyway. Which comes to our next problem. Bribery. I am aware that all countries live with at least some form of bribery to keep things moving. Malaysia though no longer number one, flourishes on bribery. Dad always said, "its whom u know, not what you know". And this is one of the few things he said that I vouch true. Its good in the context that if we appreciate what someone has done for us, we give them something in return for gratitude.
But paying someone off to shut their mouth or twisting tapes and accusations is unethical. This encourages greed, and spoils the market for people who want to make a decent buck. But then again, Dad always said, "It is difficult to get rich without some trickery," And what he says is true. We don't live in a simulated world, but a world mixed with all elements of sin and virtues. Therefore, to survive, men can no longer abide fully on virtuous grounds unless one wants to live a "just enough" life.
Take it from me, Im from a family of two sides of a coin. My dad always encouraged me to be exposed to all issues, of the ugly world just so I won't be suprised from when I see it happen to me. Scandals, bribery, drugs, rape, murder, porn, robbery, motorbikes. All with risks of harming me or my friends, he made sure I was aware of the existence of such things.
My mom on the other hand always made sure I was always virtuous. Never to hurt anyone's feelings if possible. To ask rather than command, to befriend rather than dictate. Study first, be supportive financially to the family before heading out and looking for another. Always help another if it is within our means, especially in mind. This was always emphasized (to share the stress because the mind can only take so much). This is because there has been cases where ppl go cuckoo for bottling up and when the bottle bursts, they breakdown and act abnormal.
And because of being virtuous for the past 22...23 years. I've always satisfied the wants of others but never fully the wants of my own. Singing for an uncle, changing schools for the sake of my aunt's recommendation, serving with utmost loyalty to employers, helping a friend in times of needs, getting lower grade comp as per recommended by my uncle, hand me downs. It is selfless acts like this that I usually excel, but when it comes to my own, it always becomes a flop.
So whats the point of being virtuous when everyone steps on your head? There is only one point that keeps me from turning. . . but i can't remember the point at the moment. hmm.. weird. There are so much more benefits that come with sining...money, fame, chicks, at least when you die...you won't be forgotten in the real world (despite all the suffering u'd endure in hell) you'd have kids going after your money, paparazzi taking pictures of your coffin, media attention and all.
Sometimes I look back and wonder why i didn't do what I wanted to do...cause now that one's virtuous, ppl always come to you for help, you'd feel good and when you die, you know u'll just feel good...done you go to heaven and forsake all others that still await trial on earth and in hell.
If you believe in heaven and hell. Which comes to the next sensitive subject of religion. What is religion? religion is a word made by man in describing a justice system ruled by a supreme being. It filters out those who wish to be saved and those who wish to carry on their lives looking for fame and fortune. Originally made to change the ways of human's sinful means, they now become a shortcut for businessmen who have done sinning, about to die, and don't want to go to hell.
Dad always said.."Be honest to yourself". I guess he never said anything about being honest to others. Dad always laughed at me for being too honest. Once we were in London waiting to buy a tube ticket to go somewhere. He was trying to pass me off as a 4 year old kid (as european kids were so much larger), I was not suppose to head to the counter, but I did, and when he said that I was 4, I corrected him and said that I was six. He had to swallow his tongue and pay an extra 3 pounds or so.
Dad always said "Ask yourself before you buy something, can you live without it?" That was always directed on toys that I wanted to buy...I guess, Its a good filter from spending too much especially from my family background. See my parents are simpleton ppl, always for the children, skipping lunches, sacrificing, taking our nonsense, punishing us even if it hurts them as well. We are not a wealthy bunch, but they planned well. Even if we are from an okay financial status, we were able to go places even most Datuks and Datins have not found the time to go...due to perks.
I've learnt so much from them and yet, sometimes I feel restricted. Its not their fault, I appreciate very much what they've done for me, but sometimes I feel I could have done more. Many uncles and dad's friends keep asking me, "Why did you not, stay back in Australia?" I always laugh and keep it unanswered. But living there I realized how much I missed my parents, even if I don't show it..(dont know how) I realize that they will not be around forever. My dad's retired, my mom will be in July, I would be the only staple person capable of supporting us.
Bro's in the states with his wife and twins, helping to support education on the other side. If I were to stay in Australia, I would not be able to support myself very well until after awhile, which I reckon 2 years of ausy dollars draining in me have already taxed my parents alot. So I decided to head back, and do what i can to be with my parents and take over the financial struggle. Mom's been wanting me back anyway, they've missed the children...bros not been home much for the past 10 years...Ive been away from them for 2. They've satisfied their misses through skype...but now that Im back, I think its much better.
A grandma once said "There's two things that are unforgivable; Making a lady cry, and treating food badly," I guess its better that way....
enough of Simon sez I guess...else one can get giddy...i hope that one day i look back on this entry and say..."Wat on earth was I thinking writing such delusional stuff?"
why did I choose to Bishma when I did....
All my life, my dad, my uncles and friends of my dad have always laughed about Malaysia's inability to maintain projects after a month or two of building it. Its true, toilets were unclean, hedges along roads becoming hazards, portholes not properly done thus breaking again.
And yet, instead of funding maintenance, they fund millions to project departments that build even more items that requires upkeep. Its true, projects yield loadz of money to both the project department and the government from its benefits... but whats the use if we cannot maintain it? Without proper funding allocation, how do you expect maintenance to fix up the ever growing projects around Malaysia.
At this stage I can hear the government, putting out the hand and maybe slipping a note from under the table to shut me up. But it doesnt matter, nobody reads this blog anyway. Which comes to our next problem. Bribery. I am aware that all countries live with at least some form of bribery to keep things moving. Malaysia though no longer number one, flourishes on bribery. Dad always said, "its whom u know, not what you know". And this is one of the few things he said that I vouch true. Its good in the context that if we appreciate what someone has done for us, we give them something in return for gratitude.
But paying someone off to shut their mouth or twisting tapes and accusations is unethical. This encourages greed, and spoils the market for people who want to make a decent buck. But then again, Dad always said, "It is difficult to get rich without some trickery," And what he says is true. We don't live in a simulated world, but a world mixed with all elements of sin and virtues. Therefore, to survive, men can no longer abide fully on virtuous grounds unless one wants to live a "just enough" life.
Take it from me, Im from a family of two sides of a coin. My dad always encouraged me to be exposed to all issues, of the ugly world just so I won't be suprised from when I see it happen to me. Scandals, bribery, drugs, rape, murder, porn, robbery, motorbikes. All with risks of harming me or my friends, he made sure I was aware of the existence of such things.
My mom on the other hand always made sure I was always virtuous. Never to hurt anyone's feelings if possible. To ask rather than command, to befriend rather than dictate. Study first, be supportive financially to the family before heading out and looking for another. Always help another if it is within our means, especially in mind. This was always emphasized (to share the stress because the mind can only take so much). This is because there has been cases where ppl go cuckoo for bottling up and when the bottle bursts, they breakdown and act abnormal.
And because of being virtuous for the past 22...23 years. I've always satisfied the wants of others but never fully the wants of my own. Singing for an uncle, changing schools for the sake of my aunt's recommendation, serving with utmost loyalty to employers, helping a friend in times of needs, getting lower grade comp as per recommended by my uncle, hand me downs. It is selfless acts like this that I usually excel, but when it comes to my own, it always becomes a flop.
So whats the point of being virtuous when everyone steps on your head? There is only one point that keeps me from turning. . . but i can't remember the point at the moment. hmm.. weird. There are so much more benefits that come with sining...money, fame, chicks, at least when you die...you won't be forgotten in the real world (despite all the suffering u'd endure in hell) you'd have kids going after your money, paparazzi taking pictures of your coffin, media attention and all.
Sometimes I look back and wonder why i didn't do what I wanted to do...cause now that one's virtuous, ppl always come to you for help, you'd feel good and when you die, you know u'll just feel good...done you go to heaven and forsake all others that still await trial on earth and in hell.
If you believe in heaven and hell. Which comes to the next sensitive subject of religion. What is religion? religion is a word made by man in describing a justice system ruled by a supreme being. It filters out those who wish to be saved and those who wish to carry on their lives looking for fame and fortune. Originally made to change the ways of human's sinful means, they now become a shortcut for businessmen who have done sinning, about to die, and don't want to go to hell.
Dad always said.."Be honest to yourself". I guess he never said anything about being honest to others. Dad always laughed at me for being too honest. Once we were in London waiting to buy a tube ticket to go somewhere. He was trying to pass me off as a 4 year old kid (as european kids were so much larger), I was not suppose to head to the counter, but I did, and when he said that I was 4, I corrected him and said that I was six. He had to swallow his tongue and pay an extra 3 pounds or so.
Dad always said "Ask yourself before you buy something, can you live without it?" That was always directed on toys that I wanted to buy...I guess, Its a good filter from spending too much especially from my family background. See my parents are simpleton ppl, always for the children, skipping lunches, sacrificing, taking our nonsense, punishing us even if it hurts them as well. We are not a wealthy bunch, but they planned well. Even if we are from an okay financial status, we were able to go places even most Datuks and Datins have not found the time to go...due to perks.
I've learnt so much from them and yet, sometimes I feel restricted. Its not their fault, I appreciate very much what they've done for me, but sometimes I feel I could have done more. Many uncles and dad's friends keep asking me, "Why did you not, stay back in Australia?" I always laugh and keep it unanswered. But living there I realized how much I missed my parents, even if I don't show it..(dont know how) I realize that they will not be around forever. My dad's retired, my mom will be in July, I would be the only staple person capable of supporting us.
Bro's in the states with his wife and twins, helping to support education on the other side. If I were to stay in Australia, I would not be able to support myself very well until after awhile, which I reckon 2 years of ausy dollars draining in me have already taxed my parents alot. So I decided to head back, and do what i can to be with my parents and take over the financial struggle. Mom's been wanting me back anyway, they've missed the children...bros not been home much for the past 10 years...Ive been away from them for 2. They've satisfied their misses through skype...but now that Im back, I think its much better.
A grandma once said "There's two things that are unforgivable; Making a lady cry, and treating food badly," I guess its better that way....
enough of Simon sez I guess...else one can get giddy...i hope that one day i look back on this entry and say..."Wat on earth was I thinking writing such delusional stuff?"
why did I choose to Bishma when I did....
Friday, April 13, 2007
Tan Chong Golden Village
Hello ppl... ends my 3 week of working. How so far? Well in this Tan Chong Golden Village u can find...
ACTION!! SUSPENSE!!! DRAMA!!! FANTASTIC MARTIAL ARTS EFFECTS!! DODGING BULLETS!! FALLING CARS !!! BURSTING PIPES!!! MORE DROPPING CARS!!! THIS IS ....THE LAST ACTION HERO!!! STARRING ARNOLD SWAERNKLGNSJKL "GET DOWN!!!" TACHI MASTER JET LI "RELAX AND PUSH IS THE KEY!!" NEO KEANU REEVES !!! " THERE IS NO BULLET THERE IS NO BULLET!! AND MASTER YODA!! "mmm...Move the hoist and I beams, u must .. the other side it should be!!" "But master Yoda, the roof will not stand it" "No...no different, look at me...Judge me by my size do u? carry the I-beam I can with the force. For it is my ally..and a powerful ally it is...do now....or whack bottom I will" This APRIL ......
Okies...lol... Now im going to talk about why being a maintenance engineer in a automotive plant is like being a gynecologist.
1) When some pipe is broken, u gotta diagnose it and fix the problem.
2) U get to inspect topless models without actually owning any.
3) Only when there is a problem do they come looking for you.
4) With so many items/patients there will always be a checkup scheduled.
5) If u cant finish it in one inspection, u gotta follow up on another day with so many other patients in line
6) Breakdown/diagnostic forms always go to u until its fix then u file it.
7) Best way of learning is to get down and dirty with it.
8) Once ur used to it, u dont get a high any more
9) Sometimes, topless models could look pretty nasty
10) If you cant handle it, you can always call in a specialist.
ACTION!! SUSPENSE!!! DRAMA!!! FANTASTIC MARTIAL ARTS EFFECTS!! DODGING BULLETS!! FALLING CARS !!! BURSTING PIPES!!! MORE DROPPING CARS!!! THIS IS ....THE LAST ACTION HERO!!! STARRING ARNOLD SWAERNKLGNSJKL "GET DOWN!!!" TACHI MASTER JET LI "RELAX AND PUSH IS THE KEY!!" NEO KEANU REEVES !!! " THERE IS NO BULLET THERE IS NO BULLET!! AND MASTER YODA!! "mmm...Move the hoist and I beams, u must .. the other side it should be!!" "But master Yoda, the roof will not stand it" "No...no different, look at me...Judge me by my size do u? carry the I-beam I can with the force. For it is my ally..and a powerful ally it is...do now....or whack bottom I will" This APRIL ......
Okies...lol... Now im going to talk about why being a maintenance engineer in a automotive plant is like being a gynecologist.
1) When some pipe is broken, u gotta diagnose it and fix the problem.
2) U get to inspect topless models without actually owning any.
3) Only when there is a problem do they come looking for you.
4) With so many items/patients there will always be a checkup scheduled.
5) If u cant finish it in one inspection, u gotta follow up on another day with so many other patients in line
6) Breakdown/diagnostic forms always go to u until its fix then u file it.
7) Best way of learning is to get down and dirty with it.
8) Once ur used to it, u dont get a high any more
9) Sometimes, topless models could look pretty nasty
10) If you cant handle it, you can always call in a specialist.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Trius under the Rule of Tan Chong's TKF
Its been 3 weeks, working for Tan Chong. Its good experience, but recently this week Ive been working to my bones. My manager Mr. Tan Kin Foo, is a retired engineer in the Maintenance department who I directly report to.
sometime he's okay. But sometimes he plays Warcraft with us....clicking us continuously until we explode like lil poly-morphed lambs. Ooo at the moment Im still able to keep up..but will i be able to after several months?
By the way, i "won" a trip to genting on the 27th of APril...have to apply for leave. Hopefully can. SIgh, wish my blade-chan could come...sniff sniff...Have to find some friends to replace her instead....sigh....
maybe can celebrate up there...oor in the office...mmm....ambiguous ambiguous.
Ah well...tomorrow's another day...
TTTTT if only AUDI sponsored me...
sometime he's okay. But sometimes he plays Warcraft with us....clicking us continuously until we explode like lil poly-morphed lambs. Ooo at the moment Im still able to keep up..but will i be able to after several months?
By the way, i "won" a trip to genting on the 27th of APril...have to apply for leave. Hopefully can. SIgh, wish my blade-chan could come...sniff sniff...Have to find some friends to replace her instead....sigh....
maybe can celebrate up there...oor in the office...mmm....ambiguous ambiguous.
Ah well...tomorrow's another day...
TTTTT if only AUDI sponsored me...
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Pirates of Digital Mall no longer.....nuuuu...CALL TO ARMS!!
Last Saturday.... I went to the last piracy stronghold known in Selangor... Digital mall..What I found was beyond explanation....
Digital Mall...the last known source of pirated dvds and cds for PC games and programs..... gone... Barren...torn from the face of the earth pillaged by anti-pirate patrols....
Is this the end of the once majestic era of piracy? Are we...Pirates of the Digitalia take this standing down? Are we going to take this blow in the face and walk home?
k... if u feel that way....fight and u may go to jail...stand down...u'll live.. at least a while.
And dying in ur beds, you look back to this day..thinking of what would it be like if you DID FIGHT AND GET LOCKED UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS!!....CAUSE TODAY ...WE FIGHT FOR PIRACY!!! AND THE WELL BEING OF OUR DIGITAL LIFE!!!
Men and women of Asia I stand before you not as your leader to this Campaign..but as a solution to his Glorious Era tat we are losing...for without piracy...would we be as we are today? WOuld we be this educated? Would we be great strategist and yet be able to walk in our pasar malam (night market) khakis which happens to be the most expensive thing we own?
Would we be able to have the computer skills we have today to earn a living with such low purchasing power? Will we allow ourselves to be as computer illiterate as our forefathers?
I say NO!! No to taking away our children's skills..No, to be outdated if we have no money!! NO to seeing yourselves as old ladies and men paying rich kids service money to type out a memo for you on the computer wordsheet.
THat is why I call to thee, Fellow Bloggers, Online fanatics, Pirate sympathizers, I call to thee!! in the name of all that is DIgital Piracy!!! Spread out thy messages for this is a CALL TO ARMS!!!
And we shall prevail as village idiots who in the end made a difference to the Human Race!
Digital Mall...the last known source of pirated dvds and cds for PC games and programs..... gone... Barren...torn from the face of the earth pillaged by anti-pirate patrols....
Is this the end of the once majestic era of piracy? Are we...Pirates of the Digitalia take this standing down? Are we going to take this blow in the face and walk home?
k... if u feel that way....fight and u may go to jail...stand down...u'll live.. at least a while.
And dying in ur beds, you look back to this day..thinking of what would it be like if you DID FIGHT AND GET LOCKED UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS!!....CAUSE TODAY ...WE FIGHT FOR PIRACY!!! AND THE WELL BEING OF OUR DIGITAL LIFE!!!
Men and women of Asia I stand before you not as your leader to this Campaign..but as a solution to his Glorious Era tat we are losing...for without piracy...would we be as we are today? WOuld we be this educated? Would we be great strategist and yet be able to walk in our pasar malam (night market) khakis which happens to be the most expensive thing we own?
Would we be able to have the computer skills we have today to earn a living with such low purchasing power? Will we allow ourselves to be as computer illiterate as our forefathers?
I say NO!! No to taking away our children's skills..No, to be outdated if we have no money!! NO to seeing yourselves as old ladies and men paying rich kids service money to type out a memo for you on the computer wordsheet.
THat is why I call to thee, Fellow Bloggers, Online fanatics, Pirate sympathizers, I call to thee!! in the name of all that is DIgital Piracy!!! Spread out thy messages for this is a CALL TO ARMS!!!
And we shall prevail as village idiots who in the end made a difference to the Human Race!
Saturday, April 07, 2007
A gentlemman...
"When a gentleman makes his way down a row in a crowded theater, he faces the people who are already in their seats. A gentleman never forces others to stare at his backside"
Ah ratz... thats another virtue down the drain. And i tot it was rude to let the audience stare at Mr.Happy. For nights I have been spending ten minutes at a time reading this collection of books on one of my most weaker subjects...besides math.
Manners, and fittingly the collection is called Gentle-manners. Its a guide book on how to act gentlemanly blah blah blah....stuff that we (im not saying everyone...just me at the moment) pay little attention to which affects relationships with others.
So from now on with the help of this book I hope to better myself for the benefit of everyone else. Rule number one of the book
"A Gentleman is someone who makes others feel comfortable. Good manners is simply a matter of common sense and courtesy".
Sigh im a long way from being one....but im willing to learn..
Ah ratz... thats another virtue down the drain. And i tot it was rude to let the audience stare at Mr.Happy. For nights I have been spending ten minutes at a time reading this collection of books on one of my most weaker subjects...besides math.
Manners, and fittingly the collection is called Gentle-manners. Its a guide book on how to act gentlemanly blah blah blah....stuff that we (im not saying everyone...just me at the moment) pay little attention to which affects relationships with others.
So from now on with the help of this book I hope to better myself for the benefit of everyone else. Rule number one of the book
"A Gentleman is someone who makes others feel comfortable. Good manners is simply a matter of common sense and courtesy".
Sigh im a long way from being one....but im willing to learn..
Monday, April 02, 2007
Management..underway Engineering Zero, Profiling Zero..
Sigh sigh Sigh... I have been feeling excessively moody these couple of weeks. Nonetheless I am Happy to be part of an organization. To belong to a clan, a family...is fantastic. Of course its nice to have an occasional wanderlust...but at least after so long I am learning to work together again.
I believe this will be the most overviewic post ever in these few months. Looking back three months, and see how much I have achieved, I am glad that I have gone this far. For three months I've been ...A warrior, a wanderer, a lover, a worker, an author, so much in such a short time... Im glad I am living up to my resolutions....
looking forward to the rest of the year... More to come more to see...hopefully....no/small sine waves...As long as I play the rhythm I can pace and help everyone else...
I believe this will be the most overviewic post ever in these few months. Looking back three months, and see how much I have achieved, I am glad that I have gone this far. For three months I've been ...A warrior, a wanderer, a lover, a worker, an author, so much in such a short time... Im glad I am living up to my resolutions....
looking forward to the rest of the year... More to come more to see...hopefully....no/small sine waves...As long as I play the rhythm I can pace and help everyone else...
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Revelations of Three....333 Half the devil...
Today 30/3/2007...I have been seeing many 3s around.
1) At work, We had three meetings today.
2) Had lunch with three Judges of the Magistrate
3) three Cats waited for some of my fish while having dinner
4) Mc Donald's total of 2 hot milos and 1 apple pie (3 items) came up to RM7.77
5) Had dealings with Three departments as well... (MIS, Admin and HR)
333 thats my number buahaha
The life of the Three is not to be succumbed by orders and mindless follows, and the God-like power to ruthlessly Rule over your minions. The Path of Three is the intermediate between heaven and Earth, between lead and follow, balance between offensive stance and defensive. It is the gentle lead that men follow, the shoulder that bears the weight with your friends, and the Voice that is heard by the Gods.
But... the Three is also doomed to live a life of three. Never to have his heart for himself as he lives for the happiness of others. To save those around him from damnation while sacrificing himself as a scapegoat. As a tree is one that gives life by living with the Earth's water and the Heaven's rays. So is the Three who needs the support and affirmation of his interacts.
1) At work, We had three meetings today.
2) Had lunch with three Judges of the Magistrate
3) three Cats waited for some of my fish while having dinner
4) Mc Donald's total of 2 hot milos and 1 apple pie (3 items) came up to RM7.77
5) Had dealings with Three departments as well... (MIS, Admin and HR)
333 thats my number buahaha
The life of the Three is not to be succumbed by orders and mindless follows, and the God-like power to ruthlessly Rule over your minions. The Path of Three is the intermediate between heaven and Earth, between lead and follow, balance between offensive stance and defensive. It is the gentle lead that men follow, the shoulder that bears the weight with your friends, and the Voice that is heard by the Gods.
But... the Three is also doomed to live a life of three. Never to have his heart for himself as he lives for the happiness of others. To save those around him from damnation while sacrificing himself as a scapegoat. As a tree is one that gives life by living with the Earth's water and the Heaven's rays. So is the Three who needs the support and affirmation of his interacts.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Trius Tries TanChong...
Hi ppl... the Happygolucky Travelbug, WanderLust, Extra Virgin Fresh Grad boy...is now working for Tan Chong Motors Assembly. Official Distributor and assembler of NISSAN in Malaysia. Everyone seem to know that like its Old news. I only knew about it just before I applied.
I don't even know what NISSAN has for cars. I only know Skyline.
But Check this out..Be in the plant by 7.30...morning exercise, class room meetings, Canteens , Uniforms, bell rings, 30 mins recess, 30 mins Lunches save for Fridays those are 1 and a half hours break. Finish at 435.
But the pay is alright ...1650 per month plus 350 transport fees. Its cool cause i live like 10 mins away.
What do I do? My title is Executive level - Maintenance Engineer. But what do I do? WHat are my responsibilities?
1) Create schedule for every month for my supervisors to assign his fitters.
2) taking care of certain equipment failures related to Plant and facilities except paint shop
3) Maintaining the Engineering Store
4) ISO standards of calibration
5) Toxic waste management
6) JKKP certs
and many more...Im the mediators between The managers and my supervisor...yes I talk to the gods and discuss issues with my people. Dem Im between Heaven and Earth...like Mechanical and Electronics,...in the middle of the road....thank god im not involve with electrical this time.
Just got my Pay slip on the 28th of This month. My first Pay SLip!! i got half month pay cause i started on the 16th. So I get ...erm883.25 after EPF deduction.... Yay!! have to save money first if not...sure sii liao ..when my mom retires in July...Then I'll be the Sole bread earner of the family..<2k for three ppl....sniff sniff..
lucky no rent..
But only for now..
(8) For now theres Life,
Only for now,
For now theres Love!
Only for now,
For now theres work!
For now theres Happiness!
But Only for now!
For now theres DIscomfort!
Only for now!
For now theres friendship!
Only for now! (SEX!)
Is only for Now (UR HAIR!)
Is only for NOW (GEORGE BUSH!)
Is only for noww,
Dont stress
relax
let life roll off
ur back
except for death and paying taxes everything in life..
is only for now...(each time u smile...)
only for now (it will only last a while..)
only for now (life may be scary)
only for now (but its only temporary)...
Everything in life.....is only for...now.....(8)
I don't even know what NISSAN has for cars. I only know Skyline.
But Check this out..Be in the plant by 7.30...morning exercise, class room meetings, Canteens , Uniforms, bell rings, 30 mins recess, 30 mins Lunches save for Fridays those are 1 and a half hours break. Finish at 435.
But the pay is alright ...1650 per month plus 350 transport fees. Its cool cause i live like 10 mins away.
What do I do? My title is Executive level - Maintenance Engineer. But what do I do? WHat are my responsibilities?
1) Create schedule for every month for my supervisors to assign his fitters.
2) taking care of certain equipment failures related to Plant and facilities except paint shop
3) Maintaining the Engineering Store
4) ISO standards of calibration
5) Toxic waste management
6) JKKP certs
and many more...Im the mediators between The managers and my supervisor...yes I talk to the gods and discuss issues with my people. Dem Im between Heaven and Earth...like Mechanical and Electronics,...in the middle of the road....thank god im not involve with electrical this time.
Just got my Pay slip on the 28th of This month. My first Pay SLip!! i got half month pay cause i started on the 16th. So I get ...erm883.25 after EPF deduction.... Yay!! have to save money first if not...sure sii liao ..when my mom retires in July...Then I'll be the Sole bread earner of the family..<2k for three ppl....sniff sniff..
lucky no rent..
But only for now..
(8) For now theres Life,
Only for now,
For now theres Love!
Only for now,
For now theres work!
For now theres Happiness!
But Only for now!
For now theres DIscomfort!
Only for now!
For now theres friendship!
Only for now! (SEX!)
Is only for Now (UR HAIR!)
Is only for NOW (GEORGE BUSH!)
Is only for noww,
Dont stress
relax
let life roll off
ur back
except for death and paying taxes everything in life..
is only for now...(each time u smile...)
only for now (it will only last a while..)
only for now (life may be scary)
only for now (but its only temporary)...
Everything in life.....is only for...now.....(8)
Sunday, March 11, 2007
UNCLE FREDDIE'S 60th B-dAY! SONGS!! XDD
I would like to share a song that they made for Aunt Shyan to sing to Uncle Freddie. Its sung with the tune of 'OH CAROL'
And here is goes
OH Freddie
==========
Oh Freddie,
mana lu mau cari?
Saya di sini
In my lingerie...
O hug me
jangan lah be shy
Go like Mat Rempit
Don't care mat skodeng spy
Darling-cannot-wait-a-minute longer
'Coz i love you so
Just like your pasta
bout to melt and go
saya sudah tunggu banyak lama
jangan touch & Go
Oh Freddie
I'm still waiting for you, oo oo oo
speak:
come freddie..
rasalah Stephie's Delight,
makan satu kali,
mahu every night
Darling cannot wait a minute longer
drink your tongkat Ali
Dont pakai sarong
gives you instant chi
Kama Sutra chocolate saya kasi
b'rapa kali satu hari
Oh Freddie
I'm still hungry for you.
Lokong there'll only be one Freddie
Freddie x3
Lets have a quickie
Come to Stephanie
Kama sutra chocolate lagi kasi
pussy x 3
oh freddie
I'm ready for you, oo oo oo (chang chang chang)
XXXXDDDDD
And here is goes
OH Freddie
==========
Oh Freddie,
mana lu mau cari?
Saya di sini
In my lingerie...
O hug me
jangan lah be shy
Go like Mat Rempit
Don't care mat skodeng spy
Darling-cannot-wait-a-minute longer
'Coz i love you so
Just like your pasta
bout to melt and go
saya sudah tunggu banyak lama
jangan touch & Go
Oh Freddie
I'm still waiting for you, oo oo oo
speak:
come freddie..
rasalah Stephie's Delight,
makan satu kali,
mahu every night
Darling cannot wait a minute longer
drink your tongkat Ali
Dont pakai sarong
gives you instant chi
Kama Sutra chocolate saya kasi
b'rapa kali satu hari
Oh Freddie
I'm still hungry for you.
Lokong there'll only be one Freddie
Freddie x3
Lets have a quickie
Come to Stephanie
Kama sutra chocolate lagi kasi
pussy x 3
oh freddie
I'm ready for you, oo oo oo (chang chang chang)
XXXXDDDDD
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Lyrics..: What do you do when ur dating a blogger?
Thanks to technology, now there's e-communities, e-celebrities, some even get -hitched in MMORPGs (mostly men online role playing as girls..according to kijin). And then we've got the high and mighty e-celebrities that are usually consist of e-journalist known as bloggers.
So what if you get entangled with one. How would you feel if u were dating a celebrity? Or in this case a blogger. What would U do if U were dating a blogger?
What do you do when you're dating a blogger?
=================================
(Sung to the tune of 'What do you do with a B A in English?' from the Adult Musical 'Avenue Q')
What do you do when
you're dating a blogger?
what is my life going to be?
with so many blog-fans
and plenty of admirants
could tear up your
heart completely.
I can't say I'm home yet
'cause I have no job yet
This blogger's one hell of a date..
But somehow i can't shake
this feeling we might make
it through to the fi-nal base..
So what if you get entangled with one. How would you feel if u were dating a celebrity? Or in this case a blogger. What would U do if U were dating a blogger?
What do you do when you're dating a blogger?
=================================
(Sung to the tune of 'What do you do with a B A in English?' from the Adult Musical 'Avenue Q')
What do you do when
you're dating a blogger?
what is my life going to be?
with so many blog-fans
and plenty of admirants
could tear up your
heart completely.
I can't say I'm home yet
'cause I have no job yet
This blogger's one hell of a date..
But somehow i can't shake
this feeling we might make
it through to the fi-nal base..
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
bwahaha my take on christianity..though i'm not...
Let us recap what as happened since the past decade. Ever since the book that changed the world's perspective (no not that one...the more recent one). The grounds of which Christianity of which started oh so long ago were starting to be questioned more courage. I mean there has always been doubts amongst religions, one say this one is better, that one is complete compared to, who the hell did he do that? So let us take it one step at a time.
1) What is religion and how in the name of history has it been established?
Religion is a body of which a supreme being (poly or mono) is stated above it's followers and is used to govern the people from wrong doings. This could either be by fear, promise of liberation, or a better life. The Aztecs used fear and sacrifices to govern the people's needs, a good harvest, less famine, and a victory in war. Taoism used the elements and harmony and used stories of heroes who overcame obstacles as role models for the people. Of course being the humble and 'follow your elder's' society, these role models soon became idols and legends and finally deities.
Now if you put it into context, the latter's concept put into the middle east say Jerusalem. In a time where many soothsayers marketed their prophet-hood. It is like tourist shopping in the night market. If you don't be cautious, you'll buy everything. So people tend to be more cautious in choosing a club....i mean religion. They would question everything until they are impressed with something they can never explain. Like magic.
2) Context of JC's legacy
JC's legacy started from his mother. In a society where prostitutes are looked down at, virgin births are sometimes 'misinterpreted' as raped or lay-claim victims. With so many Roman Soldiers in shining armor, one can easily be chosen for fornication. So with a virgin pregnancy, ones reputation can be easily 'mistaken'.
In this sense, JC was born a bastard son, his foster father Joseph not being his own would have cared for him more as a friend a stepfather that could never replace his own. Thus, JC was brought up like any other American remarried mother would. He would be more matured and independent person. Today, you can clearly see that children with a missing parent would be stronger compared to one with everything.
His affinity to create things suggested that he was a creative individual and an action oriented person as well. The Will was strong in him as God had intended.
There is a missing link in the bible that does not explain a section of his life as he disappeared from records until his return when he was about 30. There is a record (not sure how true) that during that time, in India, there was a holyman who came to study the sutras of India before returning.
It could be that he was looking for his destiny..no matter how much you may deny it. But My argument is that, what ever he taught when he returned was very much in context of the dharma sutras that had already been written hundreds of years before his time in India.
Back then, India was a thriving place, filled with Bharmans and holyman who claimed magic and miracles. Snake charmers, people who stick their skins with Kavadis and and come out without a scratch.
The important thing is, JC returned a person with an enlightened mind, one which could not be wavered for it was true and law. Men of that age in Jerusalem did not have the background of scientists and therefore explaining the laws of nature and the rule of action and reaction was simply out of the question. JC had to try a different method. One that had already been used in China and India. Overcoming obstacles, healing with touch and solving problems. But because of the people's different perspective, he was not idolized as a deity but respected as one with no limit of kindness.
He was selfless, gave unconditional love to everyone, even the prostitutes which were considered filthy(coincidence? i'll leave it to you). He was a true William Wallace who fought to save mankind from destroying themselves. For he knew more than everyone else. He knew that sin (note the spelling and connection to the 'sine wave') was the action that would cause the destruction of the actor during the downfall of reaction.
When he was crossed, the whole community shattered at the loss of their hero. When he was brought down and away, those who was him missing, thought he had been claimed by God. This gave the community something to believe, an ultimate example of what good could give to man. Whether JC died on the cross or survived it as recent records show, his followers intended to keep the miracle alive.
3) So what is your point?
Mormons are disliked by many subdivisions of Christianity as they depict a new prophet who used Aztec pieces to read the new orders of God. But no matter how much they defer, the Mormons are happy and live a fantastic live. So is it wrong to believe in a 'lie' if it gives out good vibes anyway? What if we put what the Mormons are doing to the context of the Greater Christianity? and Christianity the rest of the world?
No, it is not wrong, however, one must understand that even if you know what is right and wrong, one must never talk bad about another's religion. You could ask about the details and question it, but never condemn it's mechanics for it is their Will to follow.
4) What if its true? What would you do?
All my life, I have had the bestest of friends who are Christian. Which is why I know a bit of Christianity. I almost wanted to convert to Catholic when I was in 1st grade. But now after so long, I realize that it is not fair for me to choose a path and limit myself into a gang. Even if it saves my soul from damnation. It is not the savior's path. Therefore, I strive to stay on earth or in hell until the last souls are liberated to heaven, maybe bring good ol Lucifer back to his creator.
1) What is religion and how in the name of history has it been established?
Religion is a body of which a supreme being (poly or mono) is stated above it's followers and is used to govern the people from wrong doings. This could either be by fear, promise of liberation, or a better life. The Aztecs used fear and sacrifices to govern the people's needs, a good harvest, less famine, and a victory in war. Taoism used the elements and harmony and used stories of heroes who overcame obstacles as role models for the people. Of course being the humble and 'follow your elder's' society, these role models soon became idols and legends and finally deities.
Now if you put it into context, the latter's concept put into the middle east say Jerusalem. In a time where many soothsayers marketed their prophet-hood. It is like tourist shopping in the night market. If you don't be cautious, you'll buy everything. So people tend to be more cautious in choosing a club....i mean religion. They would question everything until they are impressed with something they can never explain. Like magic.
2) Context of JC's legacy
JC's legacy started from his mother. In a society where prostitutes are looked down at, virgin births are sometimes 'misinterpreted' as raped or lay-claim victims. With so many Roman Soldiers in shining armor, one can easily be chosen for fornication. So with a virgin pregnancy, ones reputation can be easily 'mistaken'.
In this sense, JC was born a bastard son, his foster father Joseph not being his own would have cared for him more as a friend a stepfather that could never replace his own. Thus, JC was brought up like any other American remarried mother would. He would be more matured and independent person. Today, you can clearly see that children with a missing parent would be stronger compared to one with everything.
His affinity to create things suggested that he was a creative individual and an action oriented person as well. The Will was strong in him as God had intended.
There is a missing link in the bible that does not explain a section of his life as he disappeared from records until his return when he was about 30. There is a record (not sure how true) that during that time, in India, there was a holyman who came to study the sutras of India before returning.
It could be that he was looking for his destiny..no matter how much you may deny it. But My argument is that, what ever he taught when he returned was very much in context of the dharma sutras that had already been written hundreds of years before his time in India.
Back then, India was a thriving place, filled with Bharmans and holyman who claimed magic and miracles. Snake charmers, people who stick their skins with Kavadis and and come out without a scratch.
The important thing is, JC returned a person with an enlightened mind, one which could not be wavered for it was true and law. Men of that age in Jerusalem did not have the background of scientists and therefore explaining the laws of nature and the rule of action and reaction was simply out of the question. JC had to try a different method. One that had already been used in China and India. Overcoming obstacles, healing with touch and solving problems. But because of the people's different perspective, he was not idolized as a deity but respected as one with no limit of kindness.
He was selfless, gave unconditional love to everyone, even the prostitutes which were considered filthy(coincidence? i'll leave it to you). He was a true William Wallace who fought to save mankind from destroying themselves. For he knew more than everyone else. He knew that sin (note the spelling and connection to the 'sine wave') was the action that would cause the destruction of the actor during the downfall of reaction.
When he was crossed, the whole community shattered at the loss of their hero. When he was brought down and away, those who was him missing, thought he had been claimed by God. This gave the community something to believe, an ultimate example of what good could give to man. Whether JC died on the cross or survived it as recent records show, his followers intended to keep the miracle alive.
3) So what is your point?
Mormons are disliked by many subdivisions of Christianity as they depict a new prophet who used Aztec pieces to read the new orders of God. But no matter how much they defer, the Mormons are happy and live a fantastic live. So is it wrong to believe in a 'lie' if it gives out good vibes anyway? What if we put what the Mormons are doing to the context of the Greater Christianity? and Christianity the rest of the world?
No, it is not wrong, however, one must understand that even if you know what is right and wrong, one must never talk bad about another's religion. You could ask about the details and question it, but never condemn it's mechanics for it is their Will to follow.
4) What if its true? What would you do?
All my life, I have had the bestest of friends who are Christian. Which is why I know a bit of Christianity. I almost wanted to convert to Catholic when I was in 1st grade. But now after so long, I realize that it is not fair for me to choose a path and limit myself into a gang. Even if it saves my soul from damnation. It is not the savior's path. Therefore, I strive to stay on earth or in hell until the last souls are liberated to heaven, maybe bring good ol Lucifer back to his creator.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
AVenue Q
I bought the soundtrack on Avenue Q: The Musical....its fantastic....great and funny lyrics
'Internet is for Porn', 'Schadenfreude', 'It sucks to be me', 'Everyone's a little bit racist' among the songs that were around. There was one that was kinda nice to listen to...
There's a Fine, Fine Line Lyrics
Kate Monster:
There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.
There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.
And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...
Oh...
There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.
'Internet is for Porn', 'Schadenfreude', 'It sucks to be me', 'Everyone's a little bit racist' among the songs that were around. There was one that was kinda nice to listen to...
There's a Fine, Fine Line Lyrics
Kate Monster:
There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.
There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.
And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...
Oh...
There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.
Is it just me or Rats in particular...?
I return from a long vacation, filled with networking, adventure and well...wanderlust. But As I returned, a sense of turmoil began ravaging my body. As such power is expelled from the vessel, the vessel will experience emptiness in return.
A weakness that makes one sensitive by touch ...as well as mind. It made me wonder deep in thought of how my life has gone and what I have achieved so far...
I have always been living in the shadows of others. Uncles and aunts always know me by my brother's name or relate me to him. I am always second and below, never first in school or running as I either did not want fame or could not achieve it at all. And when I do win, it is because the first person forfeited. Everything in my life, from the clothes to the perks that I enjoy is not originally worked by me, or given for me. I am always second in line, what RPGers know as 'the son of a Hero'.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the perks and my life,I have lived an immortals life, but it pains me to know that I will always get things not under my own accord.
And believe me i've tried. Learning musical instruments, self-defense courses, everything I've tried never usually finishes. Will I be able to achieve something that I can be proud of? When can I be respected as myself and not be the shadow of someone else?
I sit here this morning suffering a massive jetlag, drained to the bone, unable to move or sleep... and so I do what I can only do, write, write like the confused person unable to choose between blood and the freshest mountain water ever tasted. Will there be a time that I can call one 'my own and know that it is no one elses?
Or perhaps the change of mindset should start from inside me? to accept graciously everything that comes into life.
'An immortal is measured not by how long he lived (That is just absurd), but by his capacity to love.' This is explained in the song by Queen 'Who wants to live forever'. To live in a world of mortals. If you give your heart to one, he/she will definitely grow old and die. But as an immortal, you will live on. And there will come a time where you can no longer bare loving another, as the feeling of losing one's heart again and again will drive one mad. You would no longer want the perk of living forever, even if it gives you the chance to see the future. You will no longer want to be indestructible for you know that a world without love is meaningless.
Even as a mortal, it pains to see a love one leave the world. For you know that you will miss the person. Some would wish they'd never met or loved as it would ease the pain or have no pain at all. Others would cherish the time that one lived but would foreva be in one's memory and never return.
I for one am not good at mind games and don't know how to react to traps. And so I have lived a cautious life, never giving my heart out to anyone. In return, I lived a nomadic life without purpose and commitment. But because of that, I developed a keen eye on things, tricks and trades by observation. With one clue, I can tell that something is wrong. Problem is, I don't know what to do with it. So I usually put a blind eye and act I never saw anything. Its always best for everyone. Usually everyone but me.
My journey to Australia, made me realize that I had to come out of the shell and be burnt. I already have, but can I withstand this wildfire that I have for so long been protected from? I will continue...to see what happens, But I don't know how well I can take this...but I guess I have to start somewhere.
A weakness that makes one sensitive by touch ...as well as mind. It made me wonder deep in thought of how my life has gone and what I have achieved so far...
I have always been living in the shadows of others. Uncles and aunts always know me by my brother's name or relate me to him. I am always second and below, never first in school or running as I either did not want fame or could not achieve it at all. And when I do win, it is because the first person forfeited. Everything in my life, from the clothes to the perks that I enjoy is not originally worked by me, or given for me. I am always second in line, what RPGers know as 'the son of a Hero'.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the perks and my life,I have lived an immortals life, but it pains me to know that I will always get things not under my own accord.
And believe me i've tried. Learning musical instruments, self-defense courses, everything I've tried never usually finishes. Will I be able to achieve something that I can be proud of? When can I be respected as myself and not be the shadow of someone else?
I sit here this morning suffering a massive jetlag, drained to the bone, unable to move or sleep... and so I do what I can only do, write, write like the confused person unable to choose between blood and the freshest mountain water ever tasted. Will there be a time that I can call one 'my own and know that it is no one elses?
Or perhaps the change of mindset should start from inside me? to accept graciously everything that comes into life.
'An immortal is measured not by how long he lived (That is just absurd), but by his capacity to love.' This is explained in the song by Queen 'Who wants to live forever'. To live in a world of mortals. If you give your heart to one, he/she will definitely grow old and die. But as an immortal, you will live on. And there will come a time where you can no longer bare loving another, as the feeling of losing one's heart again and again will drive one mad. You would no longer want the perk of living forever, even if it gives you the chance to see the future. You will no longer want to be indestructible for you know that a world without love is meaningless.
Even as a mortal, it pains to see a love one leave the world. For you know that you will miss the person. Some would wish they'd never met or loved as it would ease the pain or have no pain at all. Others would cherish the time that one lived but would foreva be in one's memory and never return.
I for one am not good at mind games and don't know how to react to traps. And so I have lived a cautious life, never giving my heart out to anyone. In return, I lived a nomadic life without purpose and commitment. But because of that, I developed a keen eye on things, tricks and trades by observation. With one clue, I can tell that something is wrong. Problem is, I don't know what to do with it. So I usually put a blind eye and act I never saw anything. Its always best for everyone. Usually everyone but me.
My journey to Australia, made me realize that I had to come out of the shell and be burnt. I already have, but can I withstand this wildfire that I have for so long been protected from? I will continue...to see what happens, But I don't know how well I can take this...but I guess I have to start somewhere.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Another strange dream...
This dream started with a scream....of my nephews...and then a presence of my mom walking into the room...I tried getting myself up but, I was still drowned in sleep. Eventually I got up did a lil chatting and slept back again...
I just got off the plane and was looking for the dark lord when I arrived at the resort by car. It seemed like a double story house with a fantastic kitchen and a wooden railing upwards. I was told that the darklord was at the jetty sailing. When I got there, there were 3 water vehicles in the shape of killer whales which swam really fast. Instead of The DArklord who emerged from the water crafts, two other high school mates of mine were there.
They told me that the darklord was in the building next to the lake. And so I went up to the place and found the darklord. One invention was the spiral steps that reconstructs itself from a rack.
"The East and West ends are good investments" he said.
I found myself in a car driving back, and then trying to pump some gas at shell.
What does it mean? too much imagination...(exactly hahhaa)
I just got off the plane and was looking for the dark lord when I arrived at the resort by car. It seemed like a double story house with a fantastic kitchen and a wooden railing upwards. I was told that the darklord was at the jetty sailing. When I got there, there were 3 water vehicles in the shape of killer whales which swam really fast. Instead of The DArklord who emerged from the water crafts, two other high school mates of mine were there.
They told me that the darklord was in the building next to the lake. And so I went up to the place and found the darklord. One invention was the spiral steps that reconstructs itself from a rack.
"The East and West ends are good investments" he said.
I found myself in a car driving back, and then trying to pump some gas at shell.
What does it mean? too much imagination...(exactly hahhaa)
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Beast foreva stays a beast
Spent a day shopping for baby clothes and accessories with a bad headache. It got me thinking of what a monster I have become...Around me, I see love everywhere, my brother and sister in law, their married friends, their children, my nephews, every deed by everyone showering their love.
Adam thought me over the baby swing, that in order for the swing to work it's wonders, you must let go. I have been so obsessed in hooking up with the one i care so much about, I have forgotten why i didn't hook up in the first place.
The greatest love one could ever give is the selfless and unconditional happiness for the other. So many years I have denied myself cardinal pleasures of being in love....I can barely feel anymore. I have but weeks before I no longer able to stand out and do something for my own benefit and future...
This maybe the headache talking, but I will never be able to think straight again, I'm skewed by lust gluttony and sloth, this is my final gasp for oxygen... before I lie back and wait for the water to overwhelm and drown me...
haha stupid rants again....bloody headache...
Adam thought me over the baby swing, that in order for the swing to work it's wonders, you must let go. I have been so obsessed in hooking up with the one i care so much about, I have forgotten why i didn't hook up in the first place.
The greatest love one could ever give is the selfless and unconditional happiness for the other. So many years I have denied myself cardinal pleasures of being in love....I can barely feel anymore. I have but weeks before I no longer able to stand out and do something for my own benefit and future...
This maybe the headache talking, but I will never be able to think straight again, I'm skewed by lust gluttony and sloth, this is my final gasp for oxygen... before I lie back and wait for the water to overwhelm and drown me...
haha stupid rants again....bloody headache...
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Chinese New YEar In Canton, USA
mmm good morning, its 0727 in Canton, Michigan. Had one of the wierdest yet bestest dreams I could ever have. I was in a school kind of place, run by samurai overlords. We had to escape from this place without being seen. After much running on roofs, hanging on window ledges, and hiding ontop of exhaust air ducts on the ceilings. I finally manage to escape.
There were other people as well, and when I returned to the facility to rescue another, it was in the shape of a shopping mall. There were two levels down ant about 3 above me. It was perceived to be a Jaya Jusco branch.
Before long, I was in the middle of a stadium trying to save the world from falling black looking asteroids.
Through out this dream i woke up a couple of times hence the difference in scenario...
I was in a room That seemed to be a holy place of some sort. A girl who helped me before in the previous dreams was in trouble. Her husband has just died leaving no will. She is the 3rd and last wife who has bore him no children so far. 1st and 2nd have children and would happily ditch her as they are 'best friends foreva'..somehow tat phrase was mentioned.
So anyway there was a person who wanted to walk out, but then a smelly old homeless stood and wished to walk in. In shock the guy accidentally presses the close button inhibitting the homeless to come in. Feeling wrong for it was a house of charity and compassion, we rushed to open the door. Unfortunately, all we could find was a black gorilla leaving the scene. We chased the gorrilla and ended up in a school bus. Looking out to our left hand side, we seeked the gorilla.
But all we saw was a brown cloaked Holyman, 2 3-toed sloths. Soon we gave up, and I began chatting with B. We talked about hols plans in a couple of months. We joked and laughed. A kid left a bus...I somehow moved to the front of the bus with my friend as we started holding hands. The kids didn't like the 13-pg stuff and started poking my right side everytime i turned away. I tried placing a pillow to protect my side but it was in vain. Soon 4 of them stood up wanting to leave the bus. But they kept threatening to poke. And then as another left the bus, I woke up.
I know it doesn't seem like it maked any sense, But I have not had such an intricate dream for a while. Many things that I wanted to say to my friend, I did, to me it was the most wonderful Dream I have had this decade... packed with action, suspense, romance, and mystery... or am i just thinking too much?
anyway hope what i did will come to be reality...Happy Chinese Year 2007,,...Golden Pig
There were other people as well, and when I returned to the facility to rescue another, it was in the shape of a shopping mall. There were two levels down ant about 3 above me. It was perceived to be a Jaya Jusco branch.
Before long, I was in the middle of a stadium trying to save the world from falling black looking asteroids.
Through out this dream i woke up a couple of times hence the difference in scenario...
I was in a room That seemed to be a holy place of some sort. A girl who helped me before in the previous dreams was in trouble. Her husband has just died leaving no will. She is the 3rd and last wife who has bore him no children so far. 1st and 2nd have children and would happily ditch her as they are 'best friends foreva'..somehow tat phrase was mentioned.
So anyway there was a person who wanted to walk out, but then a smelly old homeless stood and wished to walk in. In shock the guy accidentally presses the close button inhibitting the homeless to come in. Feeling wrong for it was a house of charity and compassion, we rushed to open the door. Unfortunately, all we could find was a black gorilla leaving the scene. We chased the gorrilla and ended up in a school bus. Looking out to our left hand side, we seeked the gorilla.
But all we saw was a brown cloaked Holyman, 2 3-toed sloths. Soon we gave up, and I began chatting with B. We talked about hols plans in a couple of months. We joked and laughed. A kid left a bus...I somehow moved to the front of the bus with my friend as we started holding hands. The kids didn't like the 13-pg stuff and started poking my right side everytime i turned away. I tried placing a pillow to protect my side but it was in vain. Soon 4 of them stood up wanting to leave the bus. But they kept threatening to poke. And then as another left the bus, I woke up.
I know it doesn't seem like it maked any sense, But I have not had such an intricate dream for a while. Many things that I wanted to say to my friend, I did, to me it was the most wonderful Dream I have had this decade... packed with action, suspense, romance, and mystery... or am i just thinking too much?
anyway hope what i did will come to be reality...Happy Chinese Year 2007,,...Golden Pig
Friday, February 16, 2007
HAPPY VALENTINES!!! PPL
Now usually I spend valentines, text messaging ppl's girlfriends to wish them Happy Vals. But this year is different...something has changed...both in me and a special someone...
Im like, not in Malaysia and my phone is on Roaming. To tell you the truth, One MUST spend at least 1 valentines in Europe! The atmosphere is just astounding! Guys waiting for girls with roses in their hands. Couples meeting up, hugging kissing necking.. high embraces, shoulder embraces, lower embraces... Hugging each other for warmth...so romantic.. Im in love with the way they do things here. I would like just once, to take my love one here...to meet up, go for a lovely dinner somewhere, and then watch a play or a musical...truly magnificent. And later in the night, we take a long stroll down to our hotel, pushing her up against the wall and necking her before whispering some giggles and sugar into her ears. Then we head up to our room, make out a lil, mouthing 'I love u's every moment our mouths partially part and then cuddle in bed until the morning break.
Imagine walking along rivers and bridges, admiring, the scenery and each other's company. Amsterdam, London, Venice, or Enjoying the night on top of the Empire State Building or underneath the Eiffel Tower. If a girl did that to me, I'd just eat her alive...ravaging every single inch of her skin. Forgive me for being a Taurus, I just so enjoy the beauty of things.
Unfortunately,
this Valentine, I spent the evening with a guy friend...not to say anything but its kinda sad having dinner with someone of the same sex preference as you on Valentines day unless of course you're taken and are millions of yards away from your partner, which is the case. But this is still wrong. We had dinner at Misato's waiting for about 30 mins, eating, went for a walk and then a play...and ended up sleeping at his place. NOW do you get how sad this is?
Im like, not in Malaysia and my phone is on Roaming. To tell you the truth, One MUST spend at least 1 valentines in Europe! The atmosphere is just astounding! Guys waiting for girls with roses in their hands. Couples meeting up, hugging kissing necking.. high embraces, shoulder embraces, lower embraces... Hugging each other for warmth...so romantic.. Im in love with the way they do things here. I would like just once, to take my love one here...to meet up, go for a lovely dinner somewhere, and then watch a play or a musical...truly magnificent. And later in the night, we take a long stroll down to our hotel, pushing her up against the wall and necking her before whispering some giggles and sugar into her ears. Then we head up to our room, make out a lil, mouthing 'I love u's every moment our mouths partially part and then cuddle in bed until the morning break.
Imagine walking along rivers and bridges, admiring, the scenery and each other's company. Amsterdam, London, Venice, or Enjoying the night on top of the Empire State Building or underneath the Eiffel Tower. If a girl did that to me, I'd just eat her alive...ravaging every single inch of her skin. Forgive me for being a Taurus, I just so enjoy the beauty of things.
Unfortunately,
this Valentine, I spent the evening with a guy friend...not to say anything but its kinda sad having dinner with someone of the same sex preference as you on Valentines day unless of course you're taken and are millions of yards away from your partner, which is the case. But this is still wrong. We had dinner at Misato's waiting for about 30 mins, eating, went for a walk and then a play...and ended up sleeping at his place. NOW do you get how sad this is?
Monday, February 12, 2007
Hello Trials of 2007
Hi folks, welcome back...Now time for new resolutions,
1) Learn to have empathy
2) Learn to be capable
3) Learn to be bad...
To tackle the first empathy can only be done by having a relationship with another and develop a connection where you know what the other wants. Getting a Girlfriend is one, Getting a job is another.
Both allows the 2nd resolution to develop as well. But the 3rd can give variable results for both. Unfortunately since Im traveling, getting a job was out of the question.
Recently however, I met up with a dear friend...and we kicked off some how... I still am blur until today... but I would like to believe we kicked off...
The Trial?
It was 2 days before my departure for UK and even more alarmng valentines is around the corner!! Oh Goodness am I the worst Boyfriend or wat? I managed to arrange something last minute, but I dunno whether it will work. I dont have the cash to send her flowers...as i keep thinking flowers are like the least practical thing to be given as a handgift...its like leasing a property from nature...and then after 3 days your 300 dollar investment...goes down the well compost heap
Please forgive my practical thinking, but i was brought up in a family that had to think twice before upgrading a computer, or change a new handphone. Tats probably why, I've never been hitched.
Apart from that I have been given a mission. To learn wat i can in the working world. So tat in 2 years time, the Dark lord shall gather his minions, and the Dark Empire shall rise to conquer Kayelle city!!
okay goodnite
1) Learn to have empathy
2) Learn to be capable
3) Learn to be bad...
To tackle the first empathy can only be done by having a relationship with another and develop a connection where you know what the other wants. Getting a Girlfriend is one, Getting a job is another.
Both allows the 2nd resolution to develop as well. But the 3rd can give variable results for both. Unfortunately since Im traveling, getting a job was out of the question.
Recently however, I met up with a dear friend...and we kicked off some how... I still am blur until today... but I would like to believe we kicked off...
The Trial?
It was 2 days before my departure for UK and even more alarmng valentines is around the corner!! Oh Goodness am I the worst Boyfriend or wat? I managed to arrange something last minute, but I dunno whether it will work. I dont have the cash to send her flowers...as i keep thinking flowers are like the least practical thing to be given as a handgift...its like leasing a property from nature...and then after 3 days your 300 dollar investment...goes down the well compost heap
Please forgive my practical thinking, but i was brought up in a family that had to think twice before upgrading a computer, or change a new handphone. Tats probably why, I've never been hitched.
Apart from that I have been given a mission. To learn wat i can in the working world. So tat in 2 years time, the Dark lord shall gather his minions, and the Dark Empire shall rise to conquer Kayelle city!!
okay goodnite
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