Change of wind....Dad always said..

Was gonna post something on paradise, but no... i'll talk something more relevant to the world, and the Issues of Malaysia...and what I would like to see changed in the political arena.

All my life, my dad, my uncles and friends of my dad have always laughed about Malaysia's inability to maintain projects after a month or two of building it. Its true, toilets were unclean, hedges along roads becoming hazards, portholes not properly done thus breaking again.

And yet, instead of funding maintenance, they fund millions to project departments that build even more items that requires upkeep. Its true, projects yield loadz of money to both the project department and the government from its benefits... but whats the use if we cannot maintain it? Without proper funding allocation, how do you expect maintenance to fix up the ever growing projects around Malaysia.

At this stage I can hear the government, putting out the hand and maybe slipping a note from under the table to shut me up. But it doesnt matter, nobody reads this blog anyway. Which comes to our next problem. Bribery. I am aware that all countries live with at least some form of bribery to keep things moving. Malaysia though no longer number one, flourishes on bribery. Dad always said, "its whom u know, not what you know". And this is one of the few things he said that I vouch true. Its good in the context that if we appreciate what someone has done for us, we give them something in return for gratitude.

But paying someone off to shut their mouth or twisting tapes and accusations is unethical. This encourages greed, and spoils the market for people who want to make a decent buck. But then again, Dad always said, "It is difficult to get rich without some trickery," And what he says is true. We don't live in a simulated world, but a world mixed with all elements of sin and virtues. Therefore, to survive, men can no longer abide fully on virtuous grounds unless one wants to live a "just enough" life.

Take it from me, Im from a family of two sides of a coin. My dad always encouraged me to be exposed to all issues, of the ugly world just so I won't be suprised from when I see it happen to me. Scandals, bribery, drugs, rape, murder, porn, robbery, motorbikes. All with risks of harming me or my friends, he made sure I was aware of the existence of such things.

My mom on the other hand always made sure I was always virtuous. Never to hurt anyone's feelings if possible. To ask rather than command, to befriend rather than dictate. Study first, be supportive financially to the family before heading out and looking for another. Always help another if it is within our means, especially in mind. This was always emphasized (to share the stress because the mind can only take so much). This is because there has been cases where ppl go cuckoo for bottling up and when the bottle bursts, they breakdown and act abnormal.

And because of being virtuous for the past 22...23 years. I've always satisfied the wants of others but never fully the wants of my own. Singing for an uncle, changing schools for the sake of my aunt's recommendation, serving with utmost loyalty to employers, helping a friend in times of needs, getting lower grade comp as per recommended by my uncle, hand me downs. It is selfless acts like this that I usually excel, but when it comes to my own, it always becomes a flop.

So whats the point of being virtuous when everyone steps on your head? There is only one point that keeps me from turning. . . but i can't remember the point at the moment. hmm.. weird. There are so much more benefits that come with sining...money, fame, chicks, at least when you die...you won't be forgotten in the real world (despite all the suffering u'd endure in hell) you'd have kids going after your money, paparazzi taking pictures of your coffin, media attention and all.

Sometimes I look back and wonder why i didn't do what I wanted to do...cause now that one's virtuous, ppl always come to you for help, you'd feel good and when you die, you know u'll just feel good...done you go to heaven and forsake all others that still await trial on earth and in hell.

If you believe in heaven and hell. Which comes to the next sensitive subject of religion. What is religion? religion is a word made by man in describing a justice system ruled by a supreme being. It filters out those who wish to be saved and those who wish to carry on their lives looking for fame and fortune. Originally made to change the ways of human's sinful means, they now become a shortcut for businessmen who have done sinning, about to die, and don't want to go to hell.

Dad always said.."Be honest to yourself". I guess he never said anything about being honest to others. Dad always laughed at me for being too honest. Once we were in London waiting to buy a tube ticket to go somewhere. He was trying to pass me off as a 4 year old kid (as european kids were so much larger), I was not suppose to head to the counter, but I did, and when he said that I was 4, I corrected him and said that I was six. He had to swallow his tongue and pay an extra 3 pounds or so.

Dad always said "Ask yourself before you buy something, can you live without it?" That was always directed on toys that I wanted to buy...I guess, Its a good filter from spending too much especially from my family background. See my parents are simpleton ppl, always for the children, skipping lunches, sacrificing, taking our nonsense, punishing us even if it hurts them as well. We are not a wealthy bunch, but they planned well. Even if we are from an okay financial status, we were able to go places even most Datuks and Datins have not found the time to go...due to perks.

I've learnt so much from them and yet, sometimes I feel restricted. Its not their fault, I appreciate very much what they've done for me, but sometimes I feel I could have done more. Many uncles and dad's friends keep asking me, "Why did you not, stay back in Australia?" I always laugh and keep it unanswered. But living there I realized how much I missed my parents, even if I don't show it..(dont know how) I realize that they will not be around forever. My dad's retired, my mom will be in July, I would be the only staple person capable of supporting us.

Bro's in the states with his wife and twins, helping to support education on the other side. If I were to stay in Australia, I would not be able to support myself very well until after awhile, which I reckon 2 years of ausy dollars draining in me have already taxed my parents alot. So I decided to head back, and do what i can to be with my parents and take over the financial struggle. Mom's been wanting me back anyway, they've missed the children...bros not been home much for the past 10 years...Ive been away from them for 2. They've satisfied their misses through skype...but now that Im back, I think its much better.

A grandma once said "There's two things that are unforgivable; Making a lady cry, and treating food badly," I guess its better that way....

enough of Simon sez I guess...else one can get giddy...i hope that one day i look back on this entry and say..."Wat on earth was I thinking writing such delusional stuff?"

why did I choose to Bishma when I did....