DMT: 1st Clue

"Oh no not him again," Said a guy in blue. Deputy Forn of the City's police force shook his head. He was a brave man, in a sense. But when someone as sharp as I am come in the scene, he does he's best to cover up.

"MT!" He forced a smile. "How have you been?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I walk on making him trail me instead.

"Well this is a minor issue, none of your concern Detective, so please be on your way,"

"You call that normal?" I pointed out. A Kelisa smashed into a bright yellow trailer. Metal bits everywhere, smoking engine that the fireman made sure would not blow, and a victim, bloody and not heaving left stuck in the driver's seat.

I walked on. But he rushed before me and tried to slip me a fifty . I look at him. "Deputy, I'm a private investigator. I work how I want and where I want, and even so I definitely earn more than you'll ever earn in a year. So take that fifty and wipe your arse with it,"

He was stumped. But enough about him. The scene was messy, the firemen just pried open the driver's door when i began to squat and look at the victim.

A lady, young, about 5'2" wearing what looked to be a mixture of a dressy blouse and a school skirt. I scanned looked to where the car came from. Straight skids came from afar. I touched her neck, she was warm. Probably dead for not more than 2 hours. I looked for an Id. A bludge in her skirt pocket did the trick.

The Deputy was back. "Detective! You are not allowed to disturb crime scene evidence, besides what's so special about this one? Girl depressed at work or life, decides to end life in the back of a yellow trailer,"

"Well unless she likes to get some before her debut suicide act, I'd say we've got more than just a suicide here,"
. . . TBC...

DMT opens the pandora's box to a new case....

MT hit the snooze on his phone. Time to wake up for another day at work. He planted his feet on the wooden floor and cupped his face with his hands. Most of the night he tossed and turned trying to get some sleep but couldn't. What was in his mind that kept him awake.

The box. It seemed irrelevant, but it must be it. He opened the box and peered in it. "What in the hell?"

(part of the story...don't report me....:P)

"Is this some kind of joke?" A name card was on the bottom of the box. Blade's Slivery. "How is this going to help with the investigation?" Mac placed the box aside and turned up the police radio.

There seemed to be a disturbance in the police community. The words "pub", "cars", "suicide" caught his attention. He grabbed his trench and walked out the door...

DMT peers around the corner.....sirens bellowing in the dark..

"Detective MacTanace at your service," He laid down his name card. "I will find out who did this to Mr.Blades, it is my solemn duty,"
***

I walked out of the hospital. The night was wet and gloomy. I reached for my pocket and took out my PDA. The patterns of attacks were similar. Seduction, binding, stake through the heart. Some religious fanatic is killing people with a hatred for vampires. Similar to the TaxiHunter disappearance. But I could not make any assumptions yet, not until I get the facts right.

"Detective!" He called from behind. I turned around. Juzzy, Trius' twin brother brisked walked to me. "Detective, I'm glad I caught up with you,"

"What do you want?" I said. I didn't need more rumblings of a concerned relative. Nevertheless, I stood silently listening just incase and clues followed suit.

"Thank you for taking the case MT, I would like to give you a token of appreciation," He handed me a parcel. "Its something he held in his hand when he was attacked," I took it from him and walked off into the scene. I thought it would be cool to do so.

Back home. I left the parcel on my desk. Unopened. I stared at it for a good hour. Then went straight to bed. "My first case," I thought. "This is going to be a good one,"

***

Out in the city, in a bar, a man sat steadily in at the bartender's high chair. "Whats your poison tonight sir?"

"Give me a whiskey and table number 5," He put down a stack of 50s on the bartender's counter.

"Absolutely sir," The bartender began mixing his drink with a sly smile.

Lesson reluctantly learnt

Sorry guys, I guess I'm just not used to the game. It has taught me a really good lesson. I shall never mess around (despite the nature of my clan). Its painful to experience such scenarios when ur the one that is at a loss.

I was at a low for three whole days...(I still am). But walking to my car from my office my officemate asked me why I was down. I told him that I was having an unlucky strike. He told me not to let this take me down. Instead cheer up and take it in a good way.

It was then, I realize that my teacher had always taught me the biggest lessons in my life and I thank and love my teacher for that.

I was too engrossed in the lesson that I forgot and went all out as I always do. Thank you for straightening me out. Though i'm still not over it.

Why God Why?

Why does everything mean everything when you are down? Songs seem to mean everything, things that usually wouldn't matter to you suddenly becomes ultimately sensitive...and everything else that goes wrong suddenly gets to you.

It all started last Saturday, all of a sudden, my internet died. It came back on after 5 mins, but at a 56kb level. Its been like that ever since.

Felt rotten on Sunday. Thought I'd feel better after seeing that three year old Rinpoche..but in the sweltering heat, all he did was do some weird faces at me and then began to "man chang"/or manja or what ever.

Tot of heading to the gym to workout my stress, didnt work out well. Ended up pulling a muscle. Went to the sauna ..but couldnt stand the heat.

Woke up late on monday, arrived at work late. Got screwed by the boss. UD line had to stop production cause someone switch suppliers of a stock item which couldnt perform. Most parties got screwed. Phone died today.

At the meeting, my boss FFKed (ditched me) leaving me in the deep end of the pool with 15 taichi experts throwing all the blame at maintenance. Had to swallow everything they gave to me. On the way home, a car infront of me hit the emergency brakes, I had to brake as well, was an inch from paying my first car repair bill.

Felt really down, went for salsa class to cheer myself up...it helped a lil..for a while.

This morning I woke up late but manage to get out of the house 5 mins earlier. Nevertheless the jam was worse than yesterday. My supervisor is on leave to day. I have to settle a nego appointment. But my CPR was not signed. Went to look for the DIrector incharged, but she left the building just a few minutes before i reached. Wanted to check if my fax was in, Secretary was not in.

Now im here sulking and cursing at myself, for having such a horrible week. What a way to end my 22nd year on Earth. Oh God, What are you trying to tell me? Why are you making me suffer? Did I do anything wrong in my past life? If so please have mercy on my soul and spread it out evenly.

All this pain is really getting to me. I don't know how much longer can I smile at my colleagues and tell them that I'm okay. If my luck continues to falter, I'd be dead by the end of the week.

A fortune teller once said that I'd always face problems when Im with my mom and she will always have the best luck when Im with her. And it switches when we are apart.

Dont believe? but it happens every single time, the facts are there how can one prove it wrong? She mentioned something else that also came true but I dont wanna talk about it...Just one more revelation to go but its a fork just like the prophecies in Terry Goodkind.

I want to make it work, Muse always said i was too soft. Perhaps its a sign to harden up. I have no more amor left on me, and ive never even tasted blood yet. Is this the end, will my cup which i always took everyone else's tea and "Yum seng"ed be finally broken...

Im back in the black sphere from 10 years ago, once cracked, a window i peeked out, now resealed, im all alone..in pain as im doomed to stay knowing that theres haven outside the black sphere that I can never reach...

Please...change my fate, let this that has happen pass..erase my memory and let me start anew.. as I never knew suffering, hate, anger, greed, lust, envy....

Giving and letting go, giving and letting go..O Great Shyakamuni how did you do it? Second time is more painful then the first..

I think i just need a hug... and a pat..sigh.. But if one more thing happens, just 1...i think i'm gonna go mad...Im gonna go berserk!!

Loss...

A cringe of fear
first settles near
in a place you never knew...

Could feel so filled with fear
to loose a dear
your ankles follow suite.

The words were spoken,
your chest heartbroken
you brace to save your soul

And yet it lags
you feel it drag
and know its a long long drop.

It seems alright
wasnt so bad, without a fight
you stand and laugh at fear

But as you stand your veins
your chest then your heart
shrinks, broken, just by seeing the word 'apart'.

You console your soul
chicken soup for a ghoul
who'd feel better in a tick.

But then a wave so great
like a slap from cold meat
you crumble eyes so thick.

You bury your face
in the hope that this case
you can hold your feelings right

But no matter how logical
your mind is still an animal
its difficult not to put up a fight.

You awake from your cave,
cowardice to be saved,
and wonder if the coast is clear.

But as you make a stand
two feet on suddenly sand
you wobble through the day on and on.

Every moment you face
persons, a smile you must make
so to hide what goes on inside...

But as you turn and face
the mind provoking blaze,
your heart thumps hard inside..

You console yourself
'hey you did this to yourself'
a burn you must endure..

But its tough to see,
a dear say leave,
it'll seem yesterday though so long long ago..

You call your friends
family out on the weekend
for a lunch or dinner at 8

But no matter how much
you try the bunch
cant cheer you up long though the night late.

You return home
to your comfy home
your parents still awake

Don't want to startle them
not their fault that ur damned
silence not a word not a sound

ANd you creep in your room
wishing u had harry's broom
and sweep this memory all gone

Then you come to think
why god bring me things
that in the end i have to let go..

Like an ice-cream cake
in the window pane
that you can never afford to know.

But then you see,
A hope that one day would be
And your heart feels shattered no more..

Change of wind....Dad always said..

Was gonna post something on paradise, but no... i'll talk something more relevant to the world, and the Issues of Malaysia...and what I would like to see changed in the political arena.

All my life, my dad, my uncles and friends of my dad have always laughed about Malaysia's inability to maintain projects after a month or two of building it. Its true, toilets were unclean, hedges along roads becoming hazards, portholes not properly done thus breaking again.

And yet, instead of funding maintenance, they fund millions to project departments that build even more items that requires upkeep. Its true, projects yield loadz of money to both the project department and the government from its benefits... but whats the use if we cannot maintain it? Without proper funding allocation, how do you expect maintenance to fix up the ever growing projects around Malaysia.

At this stage I can hear the government, putting out the hand and maybe slipping a note from under the table to shut me up. But it doesnt matter, nobody reads this blog anyway. Which comes to our next problem. Bribery. I am aware that all countries live with at least some form of bribery to keep things moving. Malaysia though no longer number one, flourishes on bribery. Dad always said, "its whom u know, not what you know". And this is one of the few things he said that I vouch true. Its good in the context that if we appreciate what someone has done for us, we give them something in return for gratitude.

But paying someone off to shut their mouth or twisting tapes and accusations is unethical. This encourages greed, and spoils the market for people who want to make a decent buck. But then again, Dad always said, "It is difficult to get rich without some trickery," And what he says is true. We don't live in a simulated world, but a world mixed with all elements of sin and virtues. Therefore, to survive, men can no longer abide fully on virtuous grounds unless one wants to live a "just enough" life.

Take it from me, Im from a family of two sides of a coin. My dad always encouraged me to be exposed to all issues, of the ugly world just so I won't be suprised from when I see it happen to me. Scandals, bribery, drugs, rape, murder, porn, robbery, motorbikes. All with risks of harming me or my friends, he made sure I was aware of the existence of such things.

My mom on the other hand always made sure I was always virtuous. Never to hurt anyone's feelings if possible. To ask rather than command, to befriend rather than dictate. Study first, be supportive financially to the family before heading out and looking for another. Always help another if it is within our means, especially in mind. This was always emphasized (to share the stress because the mind can only take so much). This is because there has been cases where ppl go cuckoo for bottling up and when the bottle bursts, they breakdown and act abnormal.

And because of being virtuous for the past 22...23 years. I've always satisfied the wants of others but never fully the wants of my own. Singing for an uncle, changing schools for the sake of my aunt's recommendation, serving with utmost loyalty to employers, helping a friend in times of needs, getting lower grade comp as per recommended by my uncle, hand me downs. It is selfless acts like this that I usually excel, but when it comes to my own, it always becomes a flop.

So whats the point of being virtuous when everyone steps on your head? There is only one point that keeps me from turning. . . but i can't remember the point at the moment. hmm.. weird. There are so much more benefits that come with sining...money, fame, chicks, at least when you die...you won't be forgotten in the real world (despite all the suffering u'd endure in hell) you'd have kids going after your money, paparazzi taking pictures of your coffin, media attention and all.

Sometimes I look back and wonder why i didn't do what I wanted to do...cause now that one's virtuous, ppl always come to you for help, you'd feel good and when you die, you know u'll just feel good...done you go to heaven and forsake all others that still await trial on earth and in hell.

If you believe in heaven and hell. Which comes to the next sensitive subject of religion. What is religion? religion is a word made by man in describing a justice system ruled by a supreme being. It filters out those who wish to be saved and those who wish to carry on their lives looking for fame and fortune. Originally made to change the ways of human's sinful means, they now become a shortcut for businessmen who have done sinning, about to die, and don't want to go to hell.

Dad always said.."Be honest to yourself". I guess he never said anything about being honest to others. Dad always laughed at me for being too honest. Once we were in London waiting to buy a tube ticket to go somewhere. He was trying to pass me off as a 4 year old kid (as european kids were so much larger), I was not suppose to head to the counter, but I did, and when he said that I was 4, I corrected him and said that I was six. He had to swallow his tongue and pay an extra 3 pounds or so.

Dad always said "Ask yourself before you buy something, can you live without it?" That was always directed on toys that I wanted to buy...I guess, Its a good filter from spending too much especially from my family background. See my parents are simpleton ppl, always for the children, skipping lunches, sacrificing, taking our nonsense, punishing us even if it hurts them as well. We are not a wealthy bunch, but they planned well. Even if we are from an okay financial status, we were able to go places even most Datuks and Datins have not found the time to go...due to perks.

I've learnt so much from them and yet, sometimes I feel restricted. Its not their fault, I appreciate very much what they've done for me, but sometimes I feel I could have done more. Many uncles and dad's friends keep asking me, "Why did you not, stay back in Australia?" I always laugh and keep it unanswered. But living there I realized how much I missed my parents, even if I don't show it..(dont know how) I realize that they will not be around forever. My dad's retired, my mom will be in July, I would be the only staple person capable of supporting us.

Bro's in the states with his wife and twins, helping to support education on the other side. If I were to stay in Australia, I would not be able to support myself very well until after awhile, which I reckon 2 years of ausy dollars draining in me have already taxed my parents alot. So I decided to head back, and do what i can to be with my parents and take over the financial struggle. Mom's been wanting me back anyway, they've missed the children...bros not been home much for the past 10 years...Ive been away from them for 2. They've satisfied their misses through skype...but now that Im back, I think its much better.

A grandma once said "There's two things that are unforgivable; Making a lady cry, and treating food badly," I guess its better that way....

enough of Simon sez I guess...else one can get giddy...i hope that one day i look back on this entry and say..."Wat on earth was I thinking writing such delusional stuff?"

why did I choose to Bishma when I did....