Funniest Malay essay ever!

Just want to share an essay my cousin's classmate wrote and presented to the class. This kid is form two. His name is Mohd Ariff...for copyright purposes.!!! Buddy I salute u!

Here goes.,...unfortunately its in malay...its titled

'Kemalangan Jalan Raya pada Musim Perayaan'
(Road accidents during the Festive season)

Pada Musim Perayaan, banyak kemalangan berlaku setiap tahun. Ini kerana manusia-manusia yang merai perayaan mereka untuk mendapat angpow.
(During the festive season, a lot of accidents happen every year. This is because humans celebrate their festivals to get 'angpow'.)

Di atas jalan raya banyak bangsa mati katak seperti katak di atas jalan raya besar. Ini berlaku juga kerana mereka mahu balik ke kampung dengan cepat.
(On the roads, many races die like frogs on the highway. This is because they want to return to their hometown quickly.)

Pada hari perayaan hindu, orang seperti (friend's name)mati cepat untuk mendapat angpow dan tambicik.
(During the Hindu festival, people like (indianfriend's name) die quickly to get 'angpow' and 'tambicik'.)

Pada hari perayaan Cina, banyak apek dan nyonya mati kerana untuk makan babi goreng dan membakar mercun untuk menghalau hantu dan membunuh diri.
(During the Chinese festival, lots of Apeks and nyonya die because to eat fried pig and burn fire crackers to chase away the ghosts dan suicide.)

Hari Krismas banyak mat Salleh mati kerana berlumba ke pub untuk enjoy dan minum arak sampai mabuk hingga naik motor seperti rempit dan putus kepala dan hilang otak.
(CHirstmas day manyak mat Sallehs die because of racing to the pubs to enjoy and drink till they are drunk until they drive like 'rempits' and break their necks and lose their brains.)

Pada hari raya, orang melayu yang makan ketupat dan rendang semasa memandu hingga tercekik mati dan seluruh kereta summersault.
(On Hari Raya, the malays who eat 'ketupat' and 'rendang' while driving till they die choking causing the whole car to summersault'.)

-Mohd Ariff 3 August 2007

LOL hilarious@!!@@@!!!! Love it!! Ariff ROXORS!

Fortunes of Jumpin July -Tribute to Bobby the Banglasalero!

Ever felt out of place in life? Then one day, you finally found something that really just clicks into your heart...something different that you find its the only thing you love in this whole entire existence. Never have you done anything else that you felt urself...enjoying. Then one day..have it ripped from you...forever. You are deprived from it..probably doomed to stay far away without excess to what you love most?

Salsero Bobby... the most dedicated salsa student in my class...he can like remember all the patterns and shines lesson by lesson....step by step... Hates doing everything else...just salsa...Last week he was asked to resign. With this he has to head back....away from what he loves doing most.... The last time i saw him...he had smoked the whole day...drank the whole night..still not believing what had just happen.

Yea his conduct may have caused him to be dumped by the company...but its a sad tale. "I know exactly how you feel Bobby my man!" Your body goes to shock...stunned at the beginning. You think the worst is over when suddenly reality hits ur heart so bad...u just cant stand the truth...

JULY has been INDEED a month of Ups and downs..for me and most of my pals i am close with. Some got their finals to do ... some had so busy weekends (including myself) till it became physically and mentally taxing...(pulled my muscle). My cousin's mended broken tooth ...came off today.

Just a few minutes ago (1135pm) a father of an employee under me (for practical) called me in the middle of the night to inform me that he would not be able to come to work for about 2 days because their relative was in serious comatose condition and they needed to go up and see him/her immediately.

sigh..2007 you are so bittersweet...you make window shopping so difficult to resist. Im very soon going to walk in and grab one for myself.

POWER OF THE SECRET!

Hehe the new best seller Self-help book 'The Secret' has recently become a 2-hour dvd filled with loads of explanation regarding the 'Law of attraction' which it is build by.

My father's friend made my dad sit and watch it the whole evening.

But then I came across a clip that Chaser's made not too long ago! on the secret...check it out!



hehehe... if it does work ...i wouldnt mind trying it out...to get Megan Fox or Marion Caunter...mmmm hahahahaha...or probably....heheh its a secret kekeke....ASk for her...believe she's already urs...and then receive hahahaha

*zzziao...chii chuu chuu choo* this Movie will Transform your mind!

Since the beginning of time...there was Transformers..probably even before Transsexuals existed. (Haha imagine....BuckaBOT! TRANSFORM!! (sfx) whirling and screaming(sfx) to.. Bitchslappacon!) huh ...'more than meets the eye' indeed!

ANyway this is like one of the first cartoons apart from Mickey Mouse and Friends that I enjoy watching....and the first that my brother introduced to me.

It was awesome! cars changing into robots and back.. oversized robots turning into normal sized cassette players...and now..more than 20 years later....its back! COOLER THAN EVER>>.


Who would ever thought....this!

would turn out to be like this!! (though I was always wishing).

And Megan Fox ....oooo goodness....anyone would transform to be with her...lol...


I LOVE YOUR EYES!

..............K meanwhile back on Cybertron! hehe


WHat I like about the movie is that..it not only depicts the transformation of the robots...something like voltron or one of those KamenRider Henshins! but it depicts also the "clumsy side of being a huge robot...something not really spoken off in the comics or movies". And what is easy to notice is how ..they are depicted as hermit crabs...even their original form ..is like a shell...that changes in to a humanoid running for cover.

(Optimus is one that found a F&N can for a shell) Though there were abit of changes from the original plot...but then again....all the seasons have their own optimuses and plots.

So SO Good Job Micheal BAY! nice to hear you again Optimus Prime...and hello gorgeous Megan Fox...hope to hear Optimus as the new Preview guy! Till next time! TRANSFORM AND ROLL OUT! CHII CHUU CHUU! neh Neh NEH neh neh NEH!

7 Predictions

Okay its after 12pm...so its okay...the 77th post has survived its day as the latest post for the date 7/7/7. So its time for some Juzzy's 7 Predictions! YAY!

so how does this work? Every point of my life I start seeing things that make more and more sense and so I "listen" for clues of how the future will be according to what events try to tell me. Speculations etc. Like a thickening plot...only thing we try and figure out what the author is planning before he actually tells the story.

Why is it predictable? because it is us...and our characters will make the choice. A dog who loves playing near the drain will one day fall in for example.

SO here goes...

Prediction one: Land banking or investment in Sungai petani will be a sure bet.
Why? I know about four ppl who are related to the area. And I dont know that many..whhat are the odds of that?

Prediction 2: Maintenance is going to be very important in the Market...for Malaysia

Prediction 3: If you start a toxic waste disposal company or one that recycles washable items that is acredited by DOE...its good market!

Prediction 4: If I dont have a partner or team to back me up...what ever I do will surely not succeed...

Prediction 5: Movie Mamak will be an awesome wave....

Prediction 6: Opportunity will always tease me ....even up to the last moment and pull out a second before the pinnacle.

Prediction 7: Just before I die ..and live this world...I would have realized that I loved.. chocolate or some girl I had crush or not done something I suddenly enjoy with way back when I was younger..and regretted not making a move...earlier...

Almost Famous Part 3

Viennese Ball was great... the Papers (this is the main menu) showed it as well...the article is here but where was I?


Right there! covered by a Red Rose!


ANd here? covered by a highschool chick!(Im behind the Indian dude in row 3..face behind the first couple's mate.)


Oh goodness...why do you tease me? I so feel like the Green guy in Monsters Inc. now..Heaven sake either....give me a status in fame or hide me completely...in the sea of low profiles... don't put me there and literally cut my head off...

Finally Able to rest....

After a hectic month of training...working training...it ended two days ago ...on Friday the 29th...with a humongous Viennese Ball at the KL Convention Centre. I don't have the pictures with me so I'll post some later when I do get them.

But all is well.. I get to be online a lil longer...chat with friends ..watch Chasers on VOD CAST. THose guys are Hilarious...take this video for example...



Absolutely sensational! On another note...my mom will be leaving for the US..yes she is finally free! 4 of July marks her 55th Birthday and her Independence from work. And she will be in the US to celebrate it with son #1 and family. How nice...wat a way to start a new beginning.

All is well...all is well...except..i still feel left out ...cause Im coming to think..im gonna be one of the last to watch an awesomely cool movie again....sigh...the treatments you get when ur not 19 and studying....sigh....

What I saw in Salsa 101

Last Saturday, In Hilton...SALSA 101 Raged on from about 545 pm to 3 in the morning...
THe music was salsa! the atm was salsa...salsaroos and salseras on the dance floor...GAVIN and Sally were fantastic on the floor...Amanda's rueda group was spectacular...Shazli's cousin won the competition....everything was well.

Apparently my high school senior, Yen was there.....and while standing next to him...this girl...that blew my mine....sat on the stage....

This lady in blue....so hot...i just froze...okay..thats really....wierd but it happened. After awhile she climbed onto the stage with her [V] microphone in her right hand and walked and stood on my right.....I couldnt move....I wanted to intro myself...but it was one woman..that I could not get close to no matter what..

I whispered to Yen....Dude "That Vj looks like Maya Karin..though i dont know names"

I was so close and yet i just couldnt find an eye contact to start a convo. ANd when I tried to approach her..she started speaking to the camera man....Im like..ok i give up....

Who is this new girl that i newly discovered?

None other than the gorgeous...


VJ Marion Caunter....oh gosh...im in lust! wohoo! how come all the hot chicks come from penang? Penangites make up and roll out to KL....we KayelLians need some luvin!

Reunion with Wen Hao the Skygazer

It has been along time since I met up with my high school friend Wen Hao. He was my first friend in High school whom I sat next to. And now we're all grown up.. its good to still be in touch.

He has been working in the outskirts of Melbourne for the past year earning enough to be a Shopping King in Malaysia. (Bought a 500 buck CK sweater for 120 bucks! lucky bugger). Anyway, from him i found out how the ppl left in Melbourne are doing.

It seems tat everyone is getting ahead in life one way or another. Its good ...feels good to be in the presence of future "Princes and Princesses of the World".

Sometimes I envy those who get so ahead in life, its not funny. But I guess thats the story of their life. THey get the high rolling bucks with a flick of the tongue...where else the rest of us have to either open our legs or get so tied up in work and life that you can hardly do anything else without bulges in your eyes.

But again...its good to see young ppl about to be successful. Soon...buddies...we shall rule the world! Too bad Apek(YUnn Horng) couldnt make it...Oh well...another time then!

The name's b-Ong, Just b-Ong...Tarik not stirred

Pics from Sapura show room doing the dress rehearsal...wat u think? Goodness I realize Im so freaking tanned...i need to stay at home more often

The Debutantes

Me with Q's 3 series

Me with My M5

The girl that got me into this mess...ur dead im telling Gavin!

Super uncomfortable..in my new tux....how the hell do u wear these things...and not sweat? and waltz...its almost impossible. anyway hope all goes well...get my shoes...get some bummercunds... i mean cummerbunds ...and cufflinks...and im done...ready for Friday evening...

How tha-..Now in Viennese Ball....

From Monash to Nissan to Salsa......and suddenly I find myself..in another commitment.... no not marriage....a Viennese Ball....complete with Bolognese openning...er i mean Polonaise opening...



A Quadrille...and finishing with a Viennese waltz. Its one super long thingy...at KLCC Convention Centre also mentioned in the star...as seen here

Looking through the star article thing..pretty much browsing through it...and then suddenly!! right at the corner of a picture......THERE!

Like that Nirvana song..."thats me in the corner....thats me..losing my religion"...guys..wont even see me there...even I didnt realize i was in the pic till i really looked for me...everyone else is gawking at the chique in pink. Its true ..she's hot.

Legs aside...Have to get a new tuxedo...so i can play james bond in it....and i need to get patent leather shoes....thats gonna cost me so much this month...sigh..

6th month of the year shall be called Salsa

As most of u realised by checking out the papers...Malaysia is filled with dance programs in the month of June. You have the Dance Space's 1st KL International Dance Festival from the 4-9th



U got the UVNation crazy party where everyone is ecstasy-filled-shuffling and wearing nipple-hiding-wears that glow in the dark...(why did i miss such an opportunity to go for a Gala Dinner instead).



But apart from these one off events ...(including the Jazz fest in Genting). .This month is filled with SALSA!!! FIrst week salsa second week salsa...third week salsa...fourth week also Salsa...

First week salsa was in TimesSquare...Second week...salsa will be in Bossa Nova..Salsa Social ON2..Third week is SALSA 101 in Hilton KL Sentral! And sometime after that...SALSA Congress in PORT DICKson!!!



Everyday is Salsa!! so have fun ppl...

Weird thing happened yesterday..psychic or schizophrenic ?

Do you sometimes find yourself in a daydream out of a sudden...as if you suddenly spaced out...thinking of something you never thought you would be thinking. And a moment later something related happens? Or sometimes you just realise that its the right thing to do at this point of time...and you do it...and it turns out just right? Or u hear someone call your name and go to the person...and he says he thought YOU called the person?

I dunno...something wierd is going on...this world may not be what it seems.

CaSe one: I was with my executive when I heard him call my name...when i looked around he was looking at me...as if wanting to speak to me...but when I got to him...he asked why I called him....weird.

Case two: Awhile after ... back in the office...while I was doing work..I suddenly found myself thinking of the phone ringing from this particular fabricator. A moment later, my phone started ringing with this guy at the other line.

Case three: My dad went to the lavatory while i waited for him infront of the lift as we were headed downstairs. Seeing that the lift was two floors down and not moving...i suddenly had the urge to press the call button...and when I did...the lift reached at the right time of when my dad came back from the lavatory.

Wall of wierd....

June's Monologue: Reality Check!

Dear Trius,

Its been awhile since I addressed an entry to you. So What have I learnt so far?
Well many things Trius. I've learnt that the only difference between working and studying is the flow of cash. You get paid for learning and you pay to learn. Everything else is the same. You need qualification or an interview sometimes to get in. If you have a scholarship...well thats like a contract...of which you have to pay back in another means or so. Difference is to work, you pay back on the spot with your time.

What else? That the salsa scene seldom have people below the age of 23. The bars and clubs for example...no one is below 23. So if you're looking the younger crowd...sorry wrong place.

Rueda is kinda fun. Rueda means wheel in Spanish...at least thats what they said. And Casino is what they call salsa in Cuba, Hence Rueda de casino...which i think would be like Roulette. It comprises of 2 or more couples making it a group dance. And most of the time its ALL about changing partners. So if you wanna have an affair(or more) without sinning, this is the perfect way to do it.

Qigong is great if you know how to relax. un like some ppl who dont..we usually act as if we are moving with the chi....dancing, shaking, doing the golf swing.

Today my boss thought me..."Sharing is Immortality". The knowledge that we pass will live longer than we will ever live. THat is how ppl live forever, prophet or not.

One of the most important lesson of all....You have to fight to get what you want.
To insist is to fight for your right. For that is how things work in the world. Not everyone is a Samaritan.

good evening Trius...

Aku cinta padamu...Trinity!

Yay 3 months into my job I finally get my own personal assistant! Thats right, a hot PA to follow me everywhere I go! I call her Trinity cause her name is ...pretty long and winded looks like a serial number XD.

And Woo! She's hot! Shadow hot! She so fine..I check her out every minute I can. She's maybe a lil bad with directions, but thats okay...arent they all XD. She does finances, handles my phone...and messages though she dug up some private messages i didnt delete XP. But thats okay, she understands.

Only thing is...I haven't figured her out completely yet. I guess I'll have to go through some documents with her first.

Today I took her out for the first time to Menara Perkeso. She was a lil unsteady but got us there eventually. But coming back she almost made me do a U turn for no reason.

I'm glad I got her. She maybe a bit blur at times. But once I get used to her I know she'll help me in so many ways. I think I'll bring her out for salsa this Friday too!

Oh this is a picture of me holding her hot bod hehehe woohhoo!! she's battery HOT!!


3.5G, GPS enabled, wifi, bluetooth...all the toys Ive been missing out for so many years. Oh trinity! The way you say "Turn right at the next intersection in 300 meters" is so..cute ^^.

hahah Spoken like a true geek ...woohOo! Geekylove!

GIRLY MAN, MAN, MAN, MAN...

Lord of All that is Virtuously Evil, Muse the Dark lord, yesterday sent me this video



FOO!! Superhilarious!!! I couldn't stop playing it at work whenever i had the chance!! ...funniest and lamest ever!! WOOHOO! when the two combos mix u get.....Death by Laughter!

Seeds of Past, Present and Future

Nearly a month ago, I got a plant and two seeds from my Godfather and Godbrother. I sowed the two seeds on the end of my first day as a 23 year old. It is like how Red indians sow tree-seeds on the birth of their child which represents the child. Or how kids in Western China are bonded with their personal horse at a very tender age so they will grow acustom to each other.

I represented my three pots as the past, the present and the future....The Three states of time of which represents who we were, who we are, and who we strife to be.

As of yesterday, this is wat it looks like...


Out of the two seeds that I sowed....only one grew to what it looks like. The other germinated but did not do as well as the first. What could this mean? Missing something in life? Past present and future....in a row...Cool huh? even a collection of plants that you care for can give hints to your destiny....certainly better than keeping a Toyol hahaha...

Reminds me of my pet bats of yesteryears....

LOOK MOMMY! IM IN THE NEWS!!!

IM IN THE NEWS, IM IN THE NEWS!! Go look at 23rd May 2007's THE STAR under Metro section page M24!! And Start Reading. Or you could go HERE,
For the online version.

CHeck it out....WHat do you see here?

nothing? yea ur right...but look closer!!


IM THERE!! YAY!!! "But there are lots of ppl named Justin"

ERm yea...But I was there!! WOOHOO!!

ah well...its always like this... I feel like the one eyed Green monster in Monsters Inc. A glimpse of fame..though its just real small.. sigh...I wish I had someone who'd be proud....apart from my parents...

After liberating so many problems,DMT is disheartened to see many more...

For all the things I've done for all the employees in the company, for all the times I put my head on the line for them, they push all their faults and blames back to me. I feel disheartened that they would have the heart to do this.

I've never asked them for anything in return, but a smile on their face. And they back stab me with a Corrective Action Request. (If u avid readers remember I issued a Department a Car about a month or two ago.)

At the eve of SIRIM's advance, they come back to me with this C.A.R...


Non-conformance reads "No evidence shows that the Internal Auditor Justin Ong Yu Yi have attended Internal Quality Audit Training and/or are a qualified auditor. He have conducted Internal Audit and issued C.A.R on 6/4/07"

My manager writes back In corrective action:"We will send Justin Ong Yu Yi to attend the Internal Quality Audit Training to qualify as auditor. From now on CAR will be issued by TKF on behalf of Main. Dept."

Followup detail reads "1. Justin in future will not be the auditor for calibration material (handled by TKF certified auditor)" .

This will not do..not in our company. Seriously must not practice last minute syit like this. Bad english and insults my name as well. I give my time to help my managers do things, and this is what happens. I feel like my head is cracking into 3 pieces. What is the meaning of this year? Im losing my mind, lost my heart....and im losing my soul...

I feel disheartened..I thought I could live this self-sacrificing life ...but the more I experience, the more I lose my focus...of why I started in the first place. Im going no where...the world is telling me that if I become a cold-hearted jerk, I would have better luck with everything else....I'm at the brink of believing it...I dunno wat to do...I'm on my knees, my soul curling up inside...again....

May's Monologue

Feels good to be a hero today. Went to work slightly late, not too late. Wasn't 7.45. Morning meeting wasn't on yet. Why I said it felt good to be a hero today? Cause I was....sorta.

See My Dept Head, was going to have a meeting today at 2pm...some Management Review he had to present. And its his first time and not seen the slides before. At 830am my manager calls me up and says..."I havent prepared anything for the DH, I need your help to update a presentation,".

Im like "okay". You see where Im headed? It was a 20 page presentation I had to prepare for my DH before 2 pm. Now usually, he would give like few days before hand. But he was sick on Friday. And saw that the meeting was today...after the morning meeting. EXACTLY!!

I didn't finish till 30mins before his presentation. Had to double check and go through with him. My manager helped. After the slobbing I realized that I did not have morning tea or lunch. I was so tired and hungry, but it felt good. So small a thing, I felt that I didn't let my manager down even though it was his fault. I felt like a true Executor. Thats a fancy name for an executive who just got slaved around.

I think my dad was trying to cheer me up when he sent me this joke. It goes like this

THE BOSS
>
>
>Who's in Charge?   All the organs of the body
were having a meeting,
trying
>to decide who the one in charge was.
>
>  "I should be in charge," said the brain,
"because I run all the
body's
>systems, so without me nothing would happen".
>
>
>  "I should be in charge," said the blood,
"because I circulate oxygen
all
>over so without me you'd all waste away."
>
>  "I should be in charge," said the stomach,
"because I process food
and
>give all of you energy."
>
>  "I should be in charge," said the legs ,
"because I carry the body
>wherever it needs to go."
>
>  "I should be in charge," said the eyes,
"because I allow the body to
see
>where it goes."
>
>"I should be in charge," said the rectum ,
"Because I'm responsible
for
>waste removal."
>
>
>All the other body parts laughed at the rectum
and insulted him, so in
a
>huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days,
the brain had a terrible
>headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs
got wobbly, the eyes got
>watery, and the blood was toxic. They all
decided that the rectum
should be
>the boss. The Moral of the story? The as$hole
is usually in charge !!

Yea i feel much better now....-.-